Oh, back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.

Welcome back!
I've heard that a lot this past week. I am now officially a junior psychology and deaf studies major. So far I feel this is gonna be my hardest year yet. I think if I can survive this year I'll be able to make it the rest of my college career. But this time this year it's not gonna be the missing home and lack of independence part that's gonna be hard (I'm so proud of myself for not crying when I dropped my mom and sister at the train station. But my mom did :) ) What is gonna be hard is the work load that I'm gonna have this year. Research Methods and ASL III can you say EEK!!! To make matters worse I'm still needing to work on my motivation to do anything. And I need to work on not worrying about everything.

This week's worrying: Finding a job and having money to pay for stuff.

But the good news is that I'm not feeling homesick and lonely like I did last year and I just keep trying to remind myself:

"I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."-Philippians 1:6
So now matter what happens to me this year God has a purpose for me and that purpose is not finished until Jesus returns.

I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM WHO EMPOWERS ME. And so can you. :)

This summer is just another chapter...

Well, since yesterday I blogged about going back to school today I thought I would blog about how my summer was (although I probably should have blogged about the summer before I blogged about this next school year. Oh well). Nothing too exciting happened this summer. I wasn't able to go on any vacations this year (not even to my gma's. How sad). :( But that's okay because next summer my other gma is paying for my whole family to go on a cruise so I'm pretty stoked about that because it's the first time I've ever been on a cruise.

I spent the majority of my summer babysitting 3 kids that I babysat last year. They're not family. They're not friends of the family or from church. I found the family last year on a website care.com. But I kinda like to think that God sent them to me. :) The family situation isn't the greatest (I could have done my whole internship journal on them) and I spent most of my time getting aggravated with them (and their mom) and being kinda mean to them. But I like to think that I was a good influence on them and that maybe I helped them some how. I know that I learned a lot from them and hopefully will become a better babysitter because of them.

And on the days that I wasn't babysitting I was at an internship that was 2 1/2 hours away but was a great place to be. I was interning at Baptist Children's Home, a group home for teenagers (11-21) who are either sent their because their parents can't handle them or they get sent there by the state. It was really great to see a bunch of Christians working together and using their talents to help others in need. Everybody their truly cared about the residents and wanted to see them get better. It was also great to get to know some of the residents. They were honestly good kids, just misguided. I can't wait to see what their futures hold.

And when all that was over me and my sister had the pleasure (not) of getting our wisdom teeth out. We were definitely some of the unfortunates who have trouble with them. Then Dad got his surgery but that was a relief to have it done and for him to now be cancer-free PRAISE THE LORD!

Then of course in the mist of all this there was the occasional doctors appointments, movies, hanging with friends, working on stuff for school,
swimming, babysitting Grace, going to the mall, reading awesometastic books, and being lazy.

You know, it actually wasn't that bad of a summer overall.

School's coming! eeekkk!!!

So I totally just realized (while I'm sitting on the toilet) :) that I'm heading back to school in exactly one week! Okay, so I know this shouldn't be scary, but it totally is...I am FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW! If you were to see me right now it wouldn't look that way but I definitely am...totally...freaking...out.
I have nothing against Bethel (except it being 7 hours away from home) and my parents are driving me crazy and this summer was a bust soooo....why am I freaking out...well, I'm about to tell you.

1. I have to take Research Methods this semester and I have yet to get an A in a psych class at Bethel. This is gonna be a major stressor.
2. I HATE packing....and unpacking....and packing...and unpacking...and you get the picture.
3. I NEED to find a job, especially since I'm gonna have a car and I'm gonna need to pay for gas somehow.
4. I am NOT independent. I want to be but I'm not I still need my mommy to do things for me like cut me a piece of cherry pie because I'm not strong enough to cut it. :)
5. I don't like dorms. I like having my own space.
6. I don't like being sick when I'm away from my mommy and I'm a hypochondriac so that's a problem.
7. I can't be lazy anymore because I have to work to get as good of grades as I do.
8. I have a curfew. ;)
9. I miss my home friends (even though I didn't really do much with them this summer...sad.)
10. I don't like missing all the family and church gossip ;)
11. And the big one....MY NIECE....and Petey I can't forget Petey.

So now that I've depressed everybody...sorry but I had to let it out. :) Here are some reasons why I'm happy to be going back.

1. I'm living in the Lodge this year which is gonna be soooo nice. I'm pretty stoked about that.
2. Awesome chapels 3 days a week.
3. I'm closer to my gma so if I get too depressed I can go visit her...and get more depressed because she's depressing...okay maybe that's a bad idea...moving on.
4. I don't have to listen to my mom grumble and complain (and I don't have to load and unload the dishwasher).
5. My mom won't confuse my laundry with my sister's. But my sister will most likely be stealing my stuff while I'm gone and messing it up which really irritates me. But that's okay because all my good stuff is coming with me. And the laundry at school is free. :)
6. There's a lot more to do at Bethel
7. I get to see my friends (and hopefully I'll be more outgoing this year and do more with them).
8. I get to be independent (but I still need my mommy and daddy' money). :(
9. I'll enjoy my family time more because I'll actually want to see them after not seeing them for a while.
10. More life lessons to be learned and seeing God work in mysterious and wonderful ways.

Okay, I feel better now.

Dear Eugene,

Today Grandma and Aunt Lidka came to visit with Dad to see how he was doing after his surgery. Remember I told you about Dad getting prostate cancer? He went ahead and got his prostate removed so thank God they got it all and he should be okay. While Grandma and Aunt Lidka were visiting Grandma was telling us about how when she divorced you at the time she thought it was the worst thing ever but now she looks back on it and views it as a blessing. She says she was so fortunate to have raised such wonderful children and to have had such a good job. Grandma doesn't think Dad would have turned out the way he did if you would have stuck around. Honestly, I don't know how Dad would have turned out. But I do think that if you had stuck around my sibling and I would not have been emotionally abandoned. That's what Dad did to us. He didn't know what it was like to have a father so he didn't know how to act like one.

I've always said that I forgive you for what you did but I just really hope and pray that not a day in your life went by without you thinking about Grandma, Dad, Aunt Michelle, Aunt Chris, Aunt Andy, and all the other people you hurt. I knew there was good in you. Grandma wouldn't have fallen in love with you if there was not...I just wish I would have been able to see that side of you.

I think I've posted this quote before, but that's okay because it's a good quote.

e.e. cummings once wrote, "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."
When you're a child we're molded and disciplined by our parents and other authority. We're inspired to be like our big brothers and sisters. We try to be just like our favorite movie star or super hero.
When you're a teenager it's not only your parents you rebel against, but we fall into peer pressure. We try to be just like our friends or do things to be noticed/liked by others. To add on to that we try to copy what the media shows us as being ideal.
Then when you reach adulthood, you would think you wouldn't be so easily influenced  by the media and peer pressure, but we are. Even as we age we're then influenced by our children, spouses, doctors, and caretakers.
So I agree with cummings. It's hard to define who the self actually is when we are influenced by so many outside sources. Yes, these things mold us into who we are but it's from my experience that figuring out who we are is a never ending journey.

I'm Baaaaaccckkk!!!!

Hello Blogging World!
Sorry I've been MIA. Been kinda busy and really not motivated to do anything. Even blogging with you guys...sad. :(

Anywho I promise I'll have something interesting...or at least interesting to me posted soon. :)