When I grow up I want to be...

So I had a nice conversation with my mom this evening. She's really good at consoling me or being brutally honesty and telling me how it is. Today the reason I needed consoling and brutality was because since the beginning of the semester I've once again been experiencing doubts about my current major and career goals. Should I stick with Psychology and Deaf Studies? Should I just do Interpreting? Should I switch to Sociology because maybe if I did that I could double major and get done in less than 5 years and maybe the classes won't be as scary as my psych classes are turning out to be.

 Of course this has happened because I've just recently started the semester and the classes are a little harder, a little more boring, and I have new teachers. So these feeling are definitely normal, but it's not the first time I've experienced these feelings and I'm just really tired of experiencing them. I'm tired of doubting and not being content with my life. After I got off the phone with my mom I started to think about dreams and careers and I came to the conclusion that it's okay to have a lot of interests and to dream. So I compiled a list of everything I want to be when I grow up.

1. A loving wife

2. A caring mother, who's not afraid to make mistakes

3. A devote Christian who's not so doubtful of everything (I guess that probably should have been #1)

4. A helpful daughter

5. A fun & goofy aunt

6. A gracious sister and sister-in-law

7. A thoughtful and considerate friend

8. A wise & effective counselor working with children & families teaching them to value themselves, be good communicators, and help them in times of crisis.

9. A wise & effective counselor helping teens with self-mutilation, addiction, and eating disorders.

10. A helpful and knowledgeable interpreter for the Deaf.

11. A trainer training dogs to help other people.

12. A graceful and carefree dancer

13. A creative and excited writer who touches the soul of others with the written word.

14. A song writer but not a singer

15. An inspiration to others

16. A motivated hardworking student and educator

So those are just my dreams in a nutshell.

And it begins...

So tomorrow concludes my Christmas break and I will have to leave my wonderful comfy home and make my way back to Bethel College. I am very saddened by this.

"I never wanted to go away, and the hard part now is the leaving you all. I'm not afraid, but it seems as if I should be homesick for you even in heaven."- Beth March, Little Women

You see...I enjoy school. I enjoy learning and being with my friends and classmates, but the things I dread after being at home for so long is not having money and not having a car. I want to be independent but if you don't have the resources it makes that kinda hard. My friends are also way more excited to see me when I come home then my friends are at school so I almost always have something to do when I'm home. I also like having my own room and my own bed. Dorm rooms are just not my scene.

Adding to my homesickness will also be my puppy Petey and my new niece Grace who was born right before Christmas break.

Petey

Me and Grace

I love being home and being with my family, but I want to be independent and I love not being with them 24/7. But I'll always miss them. Especially since I won't be seeing them til the end of February. But with love, you don't have to be in the same place to feel and give it.

Tim and Kristen had their baby and me and Christina had ours. :)

Dear Eugene,

Dear Eugene,

I saw my dad cry for the first time today. Today my dad was informed that his father had died. You...you're gone, but you were never here. You abandoned your wife and children. As far as we know you never repented of that. You abandoned God. My father says he has forgiven you. I have forgiven you. I'm confident my grandmother has forgiven you too. Out of my nineteen years of life I've never heard my grandmother say one negative thing towards you and all the pictures I've seen are of happy times. So I know there were times where you were happy. I believe at one time you were a good husband and a good father. I wish I knew what had happened to make that change in you. I would have very much loved to have met you one day. I wrote you once a long time ago when I was a little girl. You never replied. My father had written you. My aunt had written you. I desperately hope that my father is right and that maybe you never received the letters. Dad says you were a huge coward, but since I'm human and struggle with this myself I understand how hard it would have been for you to apologize for what you did. Despite your past and what you did I want you to know that I have forgiven you and God has forgiven you and neither of us have stopped loving you. You dying without coming to faith is Dad's greatest fear. He's afraid that when his time comes he won't have the joy of seeing you again in Heaven. Even though I don't really know you. I don't know where you were when it came to faith and despite my family's belief that you repenting was very unlikely I do believe that God works miracles and the Holy Spirit wonderous. So I like to believe that when my grandmother's time comes. When my father's time comes. And when my time comes I will see you at Heaven's gates.

Love,
Your Granddaughter,
Elizabeth

My New Year's ResolutionS

I always hated making New Year's Resolutions because no matter how hard I try I can never stay committed to them. However, around New Year's I always take the time to examine my year, what I did wrong, what I could have done better, and my hopes for the next year. I believe there is always room for improvement and there is always room for hope, however, that hope should always be put to action. That is the hardest part. So for 2011 here are the things that I would like to accomplish

1. be a better daughter (grand), sister/sister-in-law, aunt, niece, friend, roommate, and pupil
2. be healthier, this means that my goal is not to exercise and diet to lose weight it means nourishing my body and being smart about what I eat and using meals as they should be and exercising to feel renewed and energized.
3. doing my absolute best in classes which means asking for help when needed and talking to my professors and forgiving myself when I don't live up to my expectations.
4. being a better communicator with my family.
5. forgiving others and apologizing to others
6. get a job and be smart about money
7. gain experience in my career field of interest.
8. gain driving experience and get a car
9. have better control of my temper and not allow myself to get upset so easily
10. be more courageous
11. be myself and not who somebody else wants me to be
12.  not to be so judgemental
13. fall in love with dance again
14. daily die to myself and spend my days doing what my Good Lord wishes. Living by His will.
15. praying more and going to God for guidance
16. being friendlier smiling and saying hi to people more often

Well, this is definitely a good list to start with. :)