In the Midst of Tragedy....

It's hard to understand the reasoning behind God's actions, especially in the midst of tragedy. When tragedy strikes there are always questions. "Why did this happen?" "Why this person?" "What caused this?" "What can I do?" "Where was God in all this?" "How will I cope?"

All these questions are natural. Sadly, however, so is tragedy. Sadness is a normal part of life.

"The word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were  not balanced by sadness."-Carl Gustav Jung

However, I'm a strong believer in that God has a lesson or perhaps a reminder, in mind for anything that happens. In celebration? Yes. And yes, even in tragedy. I think we are all pretty aware though that sometimes it's hard to know what those lessons are, especially when they come from tragedy. Sometimes that is out of our own stubbornness/ignorance and sometimes it can be unclear.

The tragedies I have witnessed I have been reminded of how awful and evil the world is, but how through all of it God is there never leaving or forsaking us. I have learned how important forgiveness is. I have learned how hard forgiveness can be, and I admire those who forgive people who least deserve it. I'm reminded of how important people are and why God didn't just stop after Adam and I've learned that anybody can be a hero. I've been reminded to remember those heroes and not to take them for granted. I've learned to love and be thankful especially for parents, siblings, friends, classmates, co-workers,aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, teachers, pastors, police, firefighters, paramedics, doctors, nurses, children, and students. They have inspired me to be a hero because anybody can be one. I've learned to laugh and hug more, but also that it's okay to cry and get angry too.

I've learned that a tragedy is really a wonderful opportunity to do God's work. It's an opportunity for someone to earn their badge (or wings or gold star...whatever you want to call it, as long as you get the metaphor) and to be honored for their bravery. It's an opportunity to give thanks and remember. It's a time to come together to rejoice and celebrate a person's final homecoming and to see their joy and excitement as they enter.

I'm also reminded that these lessons and reminders should go beyond tragedy. We shouldn't have to wait for tragedy to be a hero or to hug our children. Live everyday as if it were a tragedy because...

"A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it all will be filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy."-Jean Racine

The minute life stops being treated as a tragedy is the minute a new one begins. So continue your forgiving, remembering, celebrating, and thanking.

 

Oh Brudder!

So this weekend I was going through some of my older posts and I realized that I have written about why I love each member of my family....except my brother. Since that didn't seem very fair or nice of me here are some reasons why I love my brother.

1. I appreciate that when I would have anxiety attacks and when I was being a hypochondriac he was always very nice and understanding and would check my heart rate and bp for me.
2. He is the epitome of hard work. Career and academics.
3. Yes, you were mean when you picked on me and broke my leg, but I still appreciate that you were meaner to Christina than you were to me. :)
4. Though I've never experienced this you always say you're willing to beat up bad boyfriends.
5. You picked me up from the train station and helped me unpack for May term.
6. Even though you had to work on my high school graduation you did try your hardest to be there by making your partner come to graduation with you.
7. You actually missed a lot of important moments in my life like my confirmation but you always showed your love in a card and gave me however much money you could afford to give me.
8. You help make beautiful children. :)
9. You let me be a part of your wedding (aka the most important moment of your life). :)
10. You are a wonderful provider and role model for your family.
11. You were willing to drive me to dance class and go with me to the Fox Theatre to see SYTYCD when no one else could and you didn't even live at Mom and Dad's anymore.
12. You take responsibility for your mistakes. Very admirable. :)
13. You always wanted a career that was exciting and helped people and you never gave up on that. You would take anything you could get.
14. You always tried to help me work things out for myself and not depending on you to do it.
15. Growing up and looking up to you I learned what I should do and what I should NOT do.
16. Besides the heart rate and bp you would try and fix other minor problems I had.
17. You're good to Mom and Dad. You'll take very good care of them when they're old. :)
18. When teachers knew that you were my older brother it could get me bonus point. :P
19. You work well with what you have.
20. Despite me being annoying to you, you love me anyway.

I don't have any pictures of Tim and I together so I'll use him and Grace because the picture's adorable anyway.

Avery Olivia

So this blog is kinda...way way late, but better late than never. Before Grace was born I blogged about the things I wanted to make sure she knew by the time she grew up. Seeing as how it's only fair and I want Avery to know these as well, I've made her a list too. Some will be the same as Grace's, others I've learned in the past 2 years that I feel are more important and should be added.

1. You are oh so VERY LOVED and don't ever forget that for even a moment.
2. "Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of us."-Rabindranath Tagore
3. "Inhale grace. Exhale gratitude."-Dr. Scott Johnson
4. "We cannot change our past, but we can learn to see our past from God's perspective."-Charles R. Swindoll. always forgive...yourself and others.
5. "Wherever you go, go with all your heart."-Confucius. Don't be afraid to leave home if that means following your heart.
6. "It is never too late to be what you might have been."-George Elliot. Don't give up on life. Yes, it's going to suck sometimes, but it takes more strength and courage to live than it does to die.
7. "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."- e.e. cummings. Don't ever change because of somebody else's standards. Change for yourself.
8. "Raise your words, not your voice. It's rain that grows flowers, not thunder."-rumi. There will be times where you're going to be angry as hell and you'll want to run your mouth off, but don't do it...take some time to think about it first.
9. Be patient. Be kind. "Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see, the pain someone feels." "Stop judging people because they sin differently than you."
10. Don't push people away. "In the shelter of each other we will live....God has given us each other."
11. "Jesus, help me to see that I am someone worth dying for" You are a Unique Child of God and He Loves you very much. Your life matters. It's what has kept me here.
12. Listen to and obey your parents. They love you and most of the time the advice they give you is pretty legit.
13. Take pride in your accomplishments and celebrate every achievement.
14. "Know who you are. Accept who you are. Be who you are."-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
15. Yes, it's true there will be times when your sister will not want to play with you and she'll be  angry and annoyed with you. Don't take it personally.
16. "Being rich in money and things doesn't last. Being rich in the Lord and people last forever."-Grampy Troup
17. God never answers "No"
18. The greatest gift you can give a person is your time.

I can't wait to see you learn and grow up into a beautiful, smart, faithful, loving young woman. You're going to do great things!

My niece/goddaughter Avery Olivia born Sept. 7, 2012

F.Y.I.

Alright...family...friends...complete strangers...let's get a few things straightened out....
Do you know what I heard all summer?
"You need to get a job."
"Apply for this. Apply for that. Be aggressive."
"Have you found a job yet?" "Did you try this place?"
and complain, complain, complain.

And do you want to know what I've been hearing since I got back (well, before I got back even) to school?
"You need to get a job."
"Here are a couple of places for you to try."
*wink, wink *point, point (MOM)
"Wow, there are a lot of restaurant opportunities here. Try this place"

You know, during my last therapy session for the summer my therapist asked me what my goal was for this year. I said finding a job because people were already giving me crap about it and I was tired of being poor. Of course, he saw right through that and asked if that was really my goal and not someone else's. And you know what? Getting a job is NOT my goal for this school year because honestly folks, believe it or not I don't find money and getting a job the most important thing in the world right now, especially since I'm still in school and classes are just gonna get harder and more time consuming. You would think people would be more considerate towards that kinda thing...but they're not. Sure, it'd be nice to have a job so I can afford basic necessities like prescription refills, gas money, and the chiropractor now and then because until you have experienced what I have you have no right to tell me how to live my life and you have no idea what my needs entitle.
And I know that those of you who have been trying to help me (nagging) are doing just that because you care about me, but until this past summer I have always been able to find a job on my own and you giving me jobs left and right and "helping" me just makes me not want to get a job just to spite you. Awful I know but that's what I do.
And you know what I find rather funny? Those couple of years where I actually had good jobs my parents still paid for a lot of my stuff and now...with no job, they're telling me to pay for everything and to get a job. Now I know I'm an "adult" now and I'm supposed to take care of myself blah blah blah, but a couple years ago I was more financially stable and probably could care of myself to a degree and could afford to pay for stuff and I'm not now. Seems a little backwards to me.
But what do I know. I haven't lived as long as some of you have.

So, to sum things up...I don't know what my goal is for this year but it is NOT getting a job. Do not try and "help" me find a job because it just irritates me. If I want help like "hey friend, you should talk me up to your manager at this place" then I will ask for it. I have needs and you have no idea what they are. I want money but if I can't find a job again this year I'm gonna try not to worry about it and if you don't nag on me and just support me I'll be a lot less likely to worry and that will make my life easier. There are more important things to worry about like getting my homework done and...sleeping. 

I also like to complain a lot. :) So please don't take all this too personally.

Addiction

Even after many seasons (are they on 12 now? I have no idea), this dance is still my favorite. Mia Michaels is an excellent choreographer! When she talks about the background of this dance and how she's portraying addiction, I think she's dead-on. We've all experienced wanting something that's not good for us...maybe not to this extent, but whether it be drinking or drugs or food (I'm not gonna tell ya mine :P ) we've all been there. That feeling where we want this thing SO bad because it makes us feel better but ultimately that thing starts to control us and it doesn't feel so good anymore and we want to let go of this addiction, but we can't because we're so drawn to it It's not that we don't want to stop, it's just that we can't. We don't know anything else but that addiction and we're afraid to not have that crutch to get us through life.....

Whelp, that's my schpeal for today.

Oh...And the song Gravity goes so well for this dance. :)

Oh the Joys of an Unemployed College Student

Whelp, it's been a while since I've posted anything. Sorry to all my loyal followers out there who really give a damn about what I have to say, but my life over the summer hasn't really been that interesting.
-As I predicted I've got no job this summer. My mom does pay me to clean the house once a week but that money goes by too fast.
-Finished a couple of books this summer, but I can't tell you what they were because I completely forgot. lol.
-At the end of June my mom and I went to go visit my grandma in MICH. That is never a pleasant trip. My grandma has cognitive problems so that's annoying enough, but when you add in her critical, no filture, pity me, complaining personality she becomes unbearable. So that wasn't any fun, besides spending a day up at school visiting Rachel for the day. :)
-Throughout the summer I've been addicted to the T.V. shows Drop Dead Diva, Law & Order S.V.U., and Veronica Mars. (That's what I spend the majority of my days doing, watching T.V.)
-And my family just got back from an Eastern Carribean cruise that our grandma paid for all of us to go to. It was a fun experience since I've never been on one again and it was nice to have something to do and to spend time with my family, but I hate traveling and I am definitely too claustrophobic for cruises. Hopefully the next vacation I go on I will have choosen and paid for.

There's been other things going on this summer  but it's none of y'alls business. :P So as I said my summer's been pretty boring, but in just under a month I'll be going back to school and be one step closer towards graduating. Yay! It's gonna be so scary and stressful but I'm really looking forward to classes and seeing my friends again. :)

"Give Me Some Hope To Follow And I Will Run"

Well this semester has flown by...and it has been CRAZY!!! I'm so glad that by tomorrow night it'll be over, but you know what's sad? I have absolutely no desire to go home...which is crazy because usually I can't wait to go home. AWWW!!!! What's wrong with me!!! JK!
Thing is, I feel like I have nothing to look forward to when I get home (besides the cruise that I'll be going on in July, but that's not til July! What am I gonna do til then?)
See, last summer I had a babysitting job lined up so I knew I'd be good with money, I had an internship lined up for most of the summer so I'd have some school work to do and I'd actually be doing something with my time (unlike when I babysit...maha!), and I knew that I'd be getting my wisdom teeth out (not so much fun, but at least for that I didn't feel bad being lazy). This summer...NOTHING.
 My days will probably consist of me sleeping then job searching and applying for jobs. Which it will probably be next to impossible to find a job since nobody wants to hire a college student just for the summer, but you know what, if you ask me that's a pretty good way to do it, hire a college student when they're home. That way if they suck at the job you only have to deal with them for like 4 months at the most and if you like them, they'll be back for breaks and again in the summer time and then you can hire them permanently when they finish school...sounds like a perfect plan to me....Anywho...
I'm tellin' ya, I don't know how women "WAAAAYYYY back in the day" used to do it. How could they just sit at home and do nothing? Sure some had to actually take care of the house and their children but what about all those lazy rich people who had maids to do their chores and a nurse/nanny/governess to watch their kids? That's what my life is gonna be like this summer because I have no husband/beau/boyfriend/whatever you call it or children and I have no job so I'll be sitting at home doing nothing just like them...talk about pathetic. Gets me thinking about the verse from my last blog from Ecclesiastes about how everything is meaningless...what purpose does sitting at home reading all day or whatever else those women used to do, have? What purpose does my summer have?

Serious
 Funny, gotta have both in life.


"Give me some hope to follow and I will run."-Jarrod Gorbel, featured on one of the new TWLOHA T-shirts.

Everything is Meaningless

You know, I love that the Bible says this...Everything is Meaningless...of course, it's talking about a life without God is meaningless, I still like that it says that. :)
Who would have thought that the book of Ecclesiastes could be so entertaining. So the purpose of this whole book is to show that, yes, wisdom is important, but human wisdom has it's limits. God alone knows the purpose of life. Throughout the book the author sees people laboring and trying to get to the top. Pursuing mearningless hopes and dreams. However, our role in this world is to accept things according to God's purpose and to pretty much be patient and enjoy life as God gives it to us. Sounds like an easy job to me...not! Why? Because these days people are obsessed with time, money, success, and blahbady blah blah crap that in the end isn't gonna matter...
Only God can satisfy.

"Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return."-Ecclesiastes 3:19-20

Two more points: That verse kinda makes it sound like animals are gonna be in Heaven. Why does the Bible have to be so large. Everything is meaningless but we're supposed to work at it with all our heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. But if work is meaningless why do we need to work. The Bible is so confused. That's why people don't read it...just saying...

Hmmm...

You know how Catholics are known for being alcoholics? I think I know why now. In the Catholic (and some Lutheran churches) church after they finish with communion it is customary for the priest (pastor) to drink whatever wine is left over. (Sometimes that can be quite a bit of wine). I can understand that if you drink a lot of that and you do that at least once a week you could get quite a bit of wine in your system. However, they do this because they have already blessed the wine and it is now Christ's blood (shed for you for the forgiveness of sin. This do as often as you drink it in remembrance of me). Sorry couldn't help myself. But what I don't understand is, you know, they don't want to be wasteful and Christ's blood is important, but if you're gonna drink the wine (blood) wouldn't you want to eat the bread (body) too, it's just as important. Can't have the blood without the body.

This is my prayer for every year

Happy (belated) New Year. I hope everybody's 2011's were awesome and best wishes for your 2012.

2011 was a pretty good year I must say. A year of a lot of firsts and I definitely got to cross some things off my bucket list. Here are a few.

-first time driving by myself to St. Louis.
-first time as an aunt of a 1 year old.
-first internship (which was an awesome experience).
-first time watching Panic Room (a good movie, but not a good one to watch when it's dark outside).
-first time taking a summer (May) term class.
-first time going to the chiropractor (I think I'm addicted to going to the chiropractor. love them).
-first time having a car on campus and having to take care of it.

So that was my 2011 in a nutshell, now here's what I hope for 2012.
-witness my niece take her first steps, oh wait, CHECK! :)
-have my first drink (legally) :P
-maybe my first boyfriend. ;) (in God's time)
-lose my sophomore 15 and then some.
-be somewhat financially independent from my parents.
-go and party on a cruise (this summer baby!)
-be a party of a flash mob (pretty please!)
-to sum up a bunch in one simple resolution: Love myself, others, and God

So there you have it....now you all are responsible for making sure these are accomplished this year...jk!
Here's  song that I love and I think sums up what each New Year is about.