*Insert creative title here* :)

Seeing as how it's been a while since I've blogged (and I'm sure you are all so devastated by it :) ) I thought now might be a good time to look back and reflect on the school year. I can't believe this year is almost over! Next year I'll be a senior and will be on practicum (fingers crossed ;) ). What am I gonna do after I graduate? I can't call my blog Confessions of a College Student. :)
This year has been pretty good compared to others. You're finally to that point where you really click with people (if you're socially slow like me :) ) and feel more like yourself. I finally figured out what all to do with the waste of credits I have and finally feel like I'm where I should be. Do I still worry everyday that I'm gonna flunk out of the interpreting program and have to try to find something else to do? Yes, but that's only because you have no idea how intense the program is. Bethel is like the Yale of interpreting. :) But I finally feel confident in my decision of being an interpreter.
So everything has worked out for me in that department, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I don't feel satisfied. I'm still not comfortable in my own skin and I know there are characteristics that I need to work on, and I want to work on them, but you have that bad, sinful part of you that says, "you can do that later." Before you know your head is spinning and you have no idea what you're going to do. I was really hoping  that would get better this year. Instead of people looking at me and either pitying me or thinking I'm mean (which really just means they're annoyed by you :) ) I want to be one of those people that just makes someone's day and be someone they'll remember for their kindness/good personality ;).
I know some of you (actually probably most of you) are thinking, "well, umm...you can do that. Just do it. You wanna change then go for it. Nobody else can do it for you. That's what tomorrows are for." All of these statements are true and are good advice, but for some people (and I'm not trying to make excuses :) ) it's more complicated then that. They can't just instantly drop who they are/have been and be who they want to be. It takes time, patience, faith, and searching. One of the hardest lessons you'll ever have to learn in life is how to accept who you are but at the same time improve who you are, and I have quickly learned that it's a lot easier said then done. I've also learned that it's important to remember that bad things happen and people are bad/stupid/whatever because there is sin in the world and I can't change that. On this earth there's no such thing as perfect.
Even though I've taken notice of these issues and maybe (hopefully :) ) sound like I know what I'm talking about, sometimes all I want to do is get my degree, get a job, move away from family and friends and start my life over again. When you're in college and are still financially dependent on your parents it's hard to lead your own life while still satisfying theirs. Sometimes I feel like I'm never really gonna know who I am until I graduate and move out.
So that's what I wish I could have done over again. But it's all in God's time.

I don't want this blog to seem too serious, the smiley faces are really me smiling/laughing because I'm trying to virtually lighten the mood. :)

Just A Thought

"Sometimes it's better to be alone. Nobody can hurt you."-Meg (Hercules)

An interesting theory/philosophy and I'd say one that I agree with, but, honestly, I avoid people because I don't want to hurt them. If you avoid people you don't have to worry about accidentally offending somebody or yelling at them because of something stupid they did and then in the end feeling hurt and stupid yourself. So when you are alone, really, nobody can hurt you.
 When nobody knows who you are it's impossible to hurt them. Though, sometimes you ultimately end up hurting yourself. You put those hateful thoughts into your own head and you bring yourself down. All those mistakes you've made and the person you are, nobody knows what that's like. So why bother trying to explain it to them? Besides, after you've revealed those secrets to them they might end up leaving you anyway. Unfortunately, in our society today people are quicker to be angry than to forgive (I'm definitely guilty of this too) when it should really be the other way around. But, being slow to anger and quick to forgive is something we must do for ourselves, not just for others....
It's hard to know sometimes who you can trust and who to put your faith in. It's hard to know if you should be honest with a person when they ask, "How are you doing?" Do they really care or are they just trying to be polite? That's why God created the "fine" emotion. When you say, "I'm fine," usually what it really means is, "My life sucks right now! But I know there are other people who have it worse than me so I don't want to complain or have you pity me. Things could always be worse."