School's Out Forever....Almost!

Oh my goodness, I was looking through my posts when I noticed I haven't blogged anything since July. For those who actually read & enjoy my blog I apologize. :) I've been in classes for a month now & you guys have no idea what's been going on. No wonder my mom's all up in my business. :)
Unfortunately, I do have to be careful with what I say. Gotta practice confidentiality. :) All you need to know is that the work is hard, the friendships are a godsend, & your bed is your best friend. :)
I can't believe I'm finally in my last year of college! I'm super excited but extremely terrified at the same time. :) Excited to be done with homework :) but terrified to pay off my student loans :) and be a real adult. :) It's weird to think about. I still don't view myself as being one...but no matter what happens I know I can do everything through Him who empowers me. :)
I can't believe how fast time has flown by. Seems like only yesterday I was calling my RD to complain about the drunk people banging on my door at 2 in the morning. :) But I've learned a lot in these last 5 years & not just academically but mentally & emotionally, about God & about myself. Really I'd say the only regret I have is not having more time. I should have taken more of the opportunities that came my way but you live & learn. :)

So speaking of finishing college, that means, I don't think it would quite match up if my blog remained "Confessions of a College Student". Any name suggestions out there? :)

"All Endings Are Also Beginnings, We Just Don't Know It At The Time."-Mitch Albom (The Five People You Meet In Heaven)

Well, today we said our final good-byes to Aunt Lidka. It's gonna be hard getting used to her not being here anymore. But as Grandma said we know she's painting up in Heaven with Uncle John and their daughter right beside her.

Most of you know how much I dearly love my nieces, which means you probably also know that Avery can get really crabby and has stranger anxiety (even if you're not a stranger :P) and Grace is just your typical mischievous 2 year old. However, today during the funeral Avery didn't make a sound. Like I said, if you know Avery, you know that almost never happens. Mom and I considered that to be our little miracle from Aunt Lidka because not only did she want people to be respectful and not disturb others but she knew we needed a break too. :)
And Grace...oh my. Everybody who's met Grace knows that she is very smart for a 2 year old and just plain adorable. I don't know what Mom and Aunt Tina were telling Grace about what was happening before, but as we were leaving to go to the cemetery after the service, I was holding Grace and she kept asking me where Aunt Lidka was going (or as she would say, "Aunt Yidka" :P ) Grace has only met Aunt Lidka a few times and poor Avery I don't know if she was even able to meet Aunt Lidka. Now I have no idea how to explain something like this to a 2 year old. I asked Mom about it when her dad died and what she told Tim. Tim just knew that Mom was sad and that she cried a lot. So...I ended up just telling Grace that Aunt Lidka was going to Heaven. Now, like every 2 year old she kept asking me this over and over again. Finally when we were back at the funeral home and she asked me I again told her that Aunt Lidka was going to Heaven. After I said that Grace looked at me and said that Aunt Lidka was going to Heaven to be with Jesus...she amazes me everyday and just like I'm thankful Aunt Lidka was in my life I am so glad that Grace and Avery are in my life too.

Speaking of which, for those of you who don't know (which most of you who will probably read this already do) I am going to be an aunt X 3. Now I'll admit that by the third one...it's not as exciting, especially for the one that's gonna have to babysit (I know that's mean and brutally honest, but at least I'm being honest. :) ), but when I came upon this quote that I used to open my blog with I started to think about the nature of life. Yes, people are always dying, but people are always being born too. Yes, Aunt Lidka is no longer with us, but soon we'll be welcoming this new little baby into the world. There are also many other good things about funerals and tragedies but I'm not going to go into that because this blog is already gonna be longer than I expected. Anywho, so if you can remember the blogs I wrote for Grace and Avery than you remember that I gave them a list of life lessons I want them to learn by the time they grow up and they're my age. So staying with tradition here are some life lessons for the new little one:

1. Always my #1 lesson,You are oh so VERY LOVED and don't ever forget that for even a moment.
2. You are a Unique Child of God and He loves you very much!   "Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of us."-Rabindranath Tagore
3. "Inhale grace. Exhale gratitude."-Dr. Scott Johnson (Receive thankfully and give graciously).
4. "We cannot change our past, but we can learn to see our past from God's perspective."-Charles R. Swindoll. always forgive...yourself and others.
5. "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."- e.e. cummings. Don't ever change because of somebody else's standards. Change for yourself. You will encounter temptations and life is going to be hard, I can promise you that, but it's worth it. :)
6. "Stop judging people because they sin differently than you." One of the greatest things about the human race is that we are all alike in our sin. We all sin and no sin is greater than another. No matter how a person is treating you, be kind. "Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see, the pain someone feels."
7.  "Wherever you go, go with all your heart."-Confucius. Don't be afraid to leave home if that means following your heart. Home will always be there for you when you need it.
8. "Raise your words, not your voice. It's rain that grows flowers, not thunder."-rumi. Yes, your parents will upset you. Yes, your sisters will hurt you but all that does is give you a chance to open up your heart. It's a chance to share your story, which is God's story. Don't ever be afraid to share that.
9. Don't push people away. "In the shelter of each other we will live....God has given us each other." We all like to be alone sometimes, but don't keep people away forever. It's true that if you are alone nobody else can hurt you, but you will end up hurting yourself.
10. "Jesus, help me to see that I am someone worth dying for" You are a Unique Child of God and He Loves you very much. Your life matters. It's what has kept me here. We all have experienced doubts. Doubts about whether the people we care about really love us. Whether God really loves us. Whether things will actually get better. Doubts are the devil's way of pulling you away from God. So during those doubts draw closer to God.
11. Take pride in your accomplishments and celebrate every achievement. And it doesn't matter if no one else is there to help you celebrate...celebrate anyway!
12. "Know who you are. Accept who you are. Be who you are."-Dietrich Bonhoeffer You have got to do this yourself before you can expect anybody else to do it. Aunt Izzy knows a lot about this one. Unfortunately, most of the time she's all talk. :)
13. "Being rich in money and things doesn't last. Being rich in the Lord and people last forever."-Grampy Troup
14. God never answers "No"
15. The greatest gift you can give a person is your time.
16. Listen to and obey your parents. They love you and most of the time the advice they give you is pretty legit.
17. One of the greatest adventures you can take is to your own imagination.
18. Be proud of where you've come from and embrace it.

You are gonna be one lucky kid! You're gonna make all the other babies jealous because of all the cool people you are gonna have in your life. :)

Today I've learned that no matter how old a person is, no matter how successful they are, no matter how much you prepare, it's still hard to say good-bye. Before I could say with such gratefulness, that I've never been through the heartache of losing someone special. Yes, I have experienced the hurt of watching loved ones hurt. Yes, I've experienced the numbness & confusion of such a loss where it's hard to figure out how it is you should feel. Yes, I've experienced the awful awkwardness of watching another grieve and not really knowing how you feel. However, I've never been the one that hurts. It hurts to think about them not sharing this life with you anymore. It hurts to see others hurt. And it hurts knowing that you're being selfish for wanting them to stay here. It hurts that their life was not able to be saved.
Aunt Lidka was definitely a special lady. I loved her accent & that when I was around her I had a piece of my heritage with me. I loved her sweetness. She was always so grateful for what other people would do for her (perhaps the most grateful person I have ever met). I loved her passion for art & how her paintings were like her children. I loved how trusting she was of others, talking to all the nurses & welcoming them into her life until the very end. I loved her cookies that she made every year to bring for Christmas (I'm determined to learn to make those cookies & hopefully have them taste as good as hers). :) I loved her hugs & how gentle she was. I loved that she only had one love in her life & I am so glad that she will finally get to see him again. I loved how nice her skin was & how thick her hair was for someone who was 89. I loved the fact that she was a great-great aunt. I loved how she & Grandma were not sister-in-laws but sisters. I loved that she had a nickname for Dad. I loved that she would always ask Mom how Grandma Fox was doing and was always so concerned about her. I loved that she worried about me finding a job after college and that she worried about me being single. I loved that she only wanted people to be happy. I loved that she thought my sister-in-law's brother was so good looking and hinted to me more than once that I should date him. :) I loved that she was ready to go but that she was also a fighter. I love that she is now in Heaven with her Father & her husband Uncle John & their baby. I love that the last good memory I'll have with her is celebrating her 89th birthday with the family.
I love you Aunt Lidka & you'll be missed very much!

 

WWJD

Something that has stuck with me since coming to the youth gathering is that we are so lucky to have a Savior that died and rose for our forgiveness and that we may have eternal life with Him. However, even though we are forgiven that doesn't mean we go on sinning and taking advantage of God's forgiveness. We owe Him to at least try to be faithful. We are always going to sin but we do have free will, self-control, and common sense. So...we know not to steal, murder, or have sex before marriage. When we experience that temptation use that self-control and common sense. I know for some of you this is a challenge but I'm a 22 year old virgin and I plan to be one til the day I'm married. Do I still face temptation and experience lustful thoughts? Heck yes! But I don't go and throw myself at a guy and say, "Take me now!" To me...sex before marriage is infidelity. I'm cheating on my future husband! Now premarital sex has become the social norm (sadly), but cheating is still looked down upon. So...are you gonna cheat on your future spouse? Or are you gonna base your entire decision on your hormones?

Marriage and sex is a beautiful thing created by God, but only when done appropriately. God was the bridegroom of the church. He took care of His bride. He was understanding, caring, and the perfect example of love.

A Day In The Life

Lately I've been having a hard time figuring out what to write about (sometimes it's just that I'm too much of a perfectionist when it comes to my writing). I've always wanted to write about my college experience and my future career, but unfortunately, just like a doctor or a psychotherapist my Code of Ethics requires that I keep confidentiality and I want to obey that (even though I'm not an interpreter yet). This rule makes it so hard to open up to people sometimes because people often think that sign language is simple and only requires "hands signals" and you're just "talking with your hands". I know that it's never the person's fault for believing this because they don't know any better. Unfortunately, society has not been exposed to the Deaf culture like they should. This makes it difficult to actually explain my career choice too because for me it's simple while for other people they just don't get it.

• Some questions that I've been asked.

1. What's A.S.L.? (American Sign Language) You mean sign language isn't universal? -Seriously, think about it. Is English a universal language? And yes, there are even different sign languages used in the U.S. just like how people speak differently in English people sign differently too.
2. So what can you do with that degree? Is there really a need for that?-Umm, I can pretty much do whatever I want. Wherever there's a deaf person there should be an interpreter.
3. That was so amazing! My *such and such* knows sign language and they use it with their special needs class. Is that what you're gonna do?-Yeah, there's a difference between knowing a few baby signs and actually being fluent in it and being certified to interpret.
4. *hearing person looks at you*, can you ask so and so this?-Just talk to them like you're having a normal conversation. You are going to want to look THEM in the eye.
5. And I'm standing there interpreting....hearing client "Don't sign that."-Umm, sorry you said it I'm gonna sign it. Those be the rules! And after you sign whatever you don't what me to sign I will also sign DON'T SIGN THAT.
6. And the thing that bothers us the most...*you're up signing for a speaker* and the speaker thinks it's funny to say something like "Oh hey, you're doing such a good job. So how do you sign this or this" (usually a word like poop or a cuss word).-Yeeeaahh, this is just rude to the interpreter and don't use us to hold your props or anything either.
7. *after a person finds out you're an interpreter* I don't know if I would like to be deaf. I would miss music too much or what about this or this?-That's nice. Usually this is accompanied by pity towards the deaf person and the idea that they just can't do anything (like drive-they can drive!)
8. Or you have the hearing client who tries to speak louder to the deaf person.-Ummm, they can't hear! Duh!
9. I just love watching you and your hand signals *person waves their hands in your face*-Yeeaahhh, it's called sign language and I'm a sign language interpreter and don't wave your hands at me because that's just rude and annoying.
10. "Can't they just read my lips?" Or "Oh they're deaf, so they have to know sign."-Reading lips is a lot harder than it looks. Can you read lips? Or why don't you just try to read their hands. And just because a person is deaf does not mean they know sign language. They may have grown up orally and can read lips and talk quite well.

And there are many more where that came from. People also tend to think that learning sign language is easy. ABSOLUTELY NOT! Have you ever learned a second language? Have you ever looked at the Linguistics of English let alone the Linguistics of ASL (Although most people don't even know what linguistics is either (the study of language)?

Well, if I haven't made you die from boredom yet here are a few facts about Deaf culture that I think are important and why I sign,

1. "Impaired" means "broken", the deaf are not broken. They prefer to be called "deaf" just "deaf". Not "hearing-impaired" or "deaf and dumb" or "deaf and mute".Deafness is not a disability and deaf people are actually very independent. After all, they've been looked down on all their lives.
2.  Not all deaf people want to hear and when in an environment where both parties use the same language deaf people are just as smart or even smarter than hearing people (yes, even in English).
3. Eye contact and touch are very important to them. So don't freak out if they touch you.
4. Honestly, I did go into interpreting because I wanted to "help" people (the deaf don't like that word). However, I wanted to help people understand each other not help them overcome this big "obstacle" or "disability" I wanted people to be heard and have equal access to communication.
5. Contrary to popular belief an interpreter works for the deaf client and the hearing client.
6. I also went into interpreting because of all the different jobs I could have. I like the idea that I really am making a difference. I'm the one who helps save a person's life after a car crash. I bring justice to the abused victim. I console the daughter who's watching her mother die. I get to be a part of critical moments in a person's life. To me, that's important. To be a part of somebody's life, a part of their life worth remembering.

1 Corinthians 14:10-12
"Undoubtedly there are all sorts of languages in the world., yet none of them is without meaning. If then I do not grasp the meaning of what someone is saying, I am a foreigner to the speaker, and he is a foreigner to me. So it is with you. Since you are eater to have spiritual gifts, try to excel in gifts that build up the church."

*Insert creative title here* :)

Seeing as how it's been a while since I've blogged (and I'm sure you are all so devastated by it :) ) I thought now might be a good time to look back and reflect on the school year. I can't believe this year is almost over! Next year I'll be a senior and will be on practicum (fingers crossed ;) ). What am I gonna do after I graduate? I can't call my blog Confessions of a College Student. :)
This year has been pretty good compared to others. You're finally to that point where you really click with people (if you're socially slow like me :) ) and feel more like yourself. I finally figured out what all to do with the waste of credits I have and finally feel like I'm where I should be. Do I still worry everyday that I'm gonna flunk out of the interpreting program and have to try to find something else to do? Yes, but that's only because you have no idea how intense the program is. Bethel is like the Yale of interpreting. :) But I finally feel confident in my decision of being an interpreter.
So everything has worked out for me in that department, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I don't feel satisfied. I'm still not comfortable in my own skin and I know there are characteristics that I need to work on, and I want to work on them, but you have that bad, sinful part of you that says, "you can do that later." Before you know your head is spinning and you have no idea what you're going to do. I was really hoping  that would get better this year. Instead of people looking at me and either pitying me or thinking I'm mean (which really just means they're annoyed by you :) ) I want to be one of those people that just makes someone's day and be someone they'll remember for their kindness/good personality ;).
I know some of you (actually probably most of you) are thinking, "well, umm...you can do that. Just do it. You wanna change then go for it. Nobody else can do it for you. That's what tomorrows are for." All of these statements are true and are good advice, but for some people (and I'm not trying to make excuses :) ) it's more complicated then that. They can't just instantly drop who they are/have been and be who they want to be. It takes time, patience, faith, and searching. One of the hardest lessons you'll ever have to learn in life is how to accept who you are but at the same time improve who you are, and I have quickly learned that it's a lot easier said then done. I've also learned that it's important to remember that bad things happen and people are bad/stupid/whatever because there is sin in the world and I can't change that. On this earth there's no such thing as perfect.
Even though I've taken notice of these issues and maybe (hopefully :) ) sound like I know what I'm talking about, sometimes all I want to do is get my degree, get a job, move away from family and friends and start my life over again. When you're in college and are still financially dependent on your parents it's hard to lead your own life while still satisfying theirs. Sometimes I feel like I'm never really gonna know who I am until I graduate and move out.
So that's what I wish I could have done over again. But it's all in God's time.

I don't want this blog to seem too serious, the smiley faces are really me smiling/laughing because I'm trying to virtually lighten the mood. :)

Just A Thought

"Sometimes it's better to be alone. Nobody can hurt you."-Meg (Hercules)

An interesting theory/philosophy and I'd say one that I agree with, but, honestly, I avoid people because I don't want to hurt them. If you avoid people you don't have to worry about accidentally offending somebody or yelling at them because of something stupid they did and then in the end feeling hurt and stupid yourself. So when you are alone, really, nobody can hurt you.
 When nobody knows who you are it's impossible to hurt them. Though, sometimes you ultimately end up hurting yourself. You put those hateful thoughts into your own head and you bring yourself down. All those mistakes you've made and the person you are, nobody knows what that's like. So why bother trying to explain it to them? Besides, after you've revealed those secrets to them they might end up leaving you anyway. Unfortunately, in our society today people are quicker to be angry than to forgive (I'm definitely guilty of this too) when it should really be the other way around. But, being slow to anger and quick to forgive is something we must do for ourselves, not just for others....
It's hard to know sometimes who you can trust and who to put your faith in. It's hard to know if you should be honest with a person when they ask, "How are you doing?" Do they really care or are they just trying to be polite? That's why God created the "fine" emotion. When you say, "I'm fine," usually what it really means is, "My life sucks right now! But I know there are other people who have it worse than me so I don't want to complain or have you pity me. Things could always be worse."

What does this mean?

hy·poc·ri·sy  (h-pkr-s)

n. pl. hy·poc·ri·sies

1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.

2. An act or instance of such falseness.

two-faced (tfst)

adj.

1. Having two faces or surfaces.

2. Hypocritical or double-dealing; deceitful

Oy Vey, I've heard these 2 words so many times this week and lemme tell ya, I'm sick of it. Do you people even know what those words mean? Apparently not.

Let's look at hypocrisy and the first definition for a moment, "The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess." Well, I'm no expert but if you ask me it kinda sounds like all human beings, all Christians are guilty of this. Am I right or am I right?

That is what we call sin ladies and gents. Yup, no matter how pure I wanna be and even if I save myself for marriage I've still committed adultery over a dozen times (hello, have you seen Johnny Depp hotchacha!). And even if I have never intentionally set out to kill somebody, I've already committed murder too. Yeah, all those people that I find annoying, sorry I just murdered you.

I don't condone this behavior but yet I still commit it. I even know it's wrong when I do it. Does that make me a hypocrite? According to this definition it does.

Now let's look at two-faced. It pretty much means the same thing as hypocrisy but if you look at the first definition, that meaning could easily go many ways. When  I read it I see someone who acts one way with someone and then goes and acts completely different with another person. Again, all Christians are guilty of this. And not just because of sin but....because the brain and emotions and people are just complicated. Each person you meet is gonna bring something out in you that another does not. And each person has their own story. Their own struggles. Their own hurts. This makes it impossible for us to stay as we are 24/7 for 365 days.

Hypocrisy was something that I struggled with a lot when I was younger. Meaning that I would judge people unfairly and call them hypocrites. I've recently learned that I don't have any right to judge somebody and to give them that label because I'm guilty of it too, and it's not my job to judge.

So, please, next time somebody pisses you off and you really wanna accuse someone of being a hypocrite or two-faced, take a long hard look at yourself and remember...you're one too and calling them that isn't going to change anything.

Now Not Later

While I was trying to beautify my blog (BTW, let me know what you think of the new look) and I was going through old posts I decided that maybe it was time (AT LAST) to look back on 2012 and see what 2013 will bring.

My 2012 in a nutshell.

If you're friends with me on pinterest you are probably aware that I have a board called "My Life Complete." Everything that had been on my bucket list that had come true I moved over to that board. Here are a few I was able to move...

1.    Technically I finished up all of my ASL classes back in 2011-2012, but this year I also completed my first semester of interpreting classes.....and passed! When you're in the interpreting program here at Bethel everyday is a challenge (think America's Next Top Model, except the goal is to get more than one winner :P ). Bethel is like the Harvard of interpreting.
2.  This was the excursion I chose to do during our family cruise this summer. I think it's something everybody should try in their lifetime. Very interesting creatures.
3.  Yes, Yes, I know that I've been living in a dorm room since 2009/2010. But I'm still here.

4.  Yes, that's what I did for my 21st birthday. It was awesome and I still have no regrets. :)




5.  AGAIN! Whoot! Avery Olivia...proud aunt and godmother right here!
6. Yeah, part of the excursion was getting to ride them too...ski style.
7. First one ever and got to go with the whole family! Grandma's are the best....especially mine. :)
8. I'm sure there are countless others that I could name too. Like I sort of mentioned before...with Avery I'm her godmother, so that was a first. However, Avery, I'm not crafty enough to make you a car out of a pumpkin. :) But I could maybe make you a dress. :)
9. I FINALLY got to bring the mini van to school with me...which was nice and not so much. Yes, I know, cars take a lot of money. This also included driving myself home...really not that bad.
10. I interpreted in chapel for the first time....scariest thing ever....our first goal is always not to pass out, puke, or run off the stage...I made it....but it was hard.
11. I also drank legally for the first time. A drink every now and then is nice. :)

Hmmm...I can't really think of anything more...got any?

Now for 2013 here are my expectations: So many to choose from!!!

1. My friends I'm sure you know who I'm talking about here....and if you don't, too bad, I'm not telling you anyway. :P
2.  I know this is all in God's time. If I can't have this this year at least give me some patience then.
3.  Pretty self-explanatory.
4.  This one is too.
5.  I don't think I've had hair this long since....ever.
6. Only in my dreams. :)
7. And do it in a healthy way.
8. If I can teach myself how to French braid, I can teach myself how to waterfall braid.
9. This goes with #5.
10. Don't judge me!
11. If anybody else wants to do this they should let me know. :)
12. And this year the biggest one will be passing my classes and making it through all of chapel and not just the worship part. :)

Well, That's pretty much it. I could go on...but...I gotta have some secrets. :P The challenge is to live in the now and concentrate on what I'm doing now and not later. So don't ask me what I want to do after graduation. :)