National To Save A Life Week

So in honor of National To Save A Life Week and Suicide Awareness I thought I'd share a personal story.

I've never attempted suicide. I've thought about it, I think we all have at one point in our lives. You begin to wonder how people would react if you were gone. You start to think that all this crap you're going through isn't worth it that things would just be easier if you ended it.

Last night at my Bible study someone there mentioned how God had taken everybody away from them. Two of their friends had committed suicide. They wondered why God would allow somebody to do something like that and why God had given us freewill. I'm never really sure what to say when someone asks me about something like that. The only thing I could think to say was that maybe God did try to do or say something to stop their friends from committing suicide, but they were not accepting His help. After I said that I literally started to cry. Tears streaming down my face and my lip quivering (I don't think my lip has ever quivered that much before). The reason behind my tears was that I've been in that same situation. There have been many times in my life where I have seeked God out for help hoping He would answer, but I never thought I was getting an answer. But I was...those answers usually involved other people. I truly believe that God puts people in our lives because He knows how hard it is for us to sometimes feel His presence, that sometimes we need someone to physically wrap their arms around you in a hug. 

The night before I left to come to Bethel sophomore year my mom came to my room bawling her eyes out (no surprise) and told me (pretty clearly for having cried so much. She's really good at crying and talking clearly) that she wasn't worried about me going so far away from home (Bethel's 7 hours away) because she knew God was going to put people in my life to watch out for me. My freshman year it was very evident that He had but almost all of last year I struggled with trying to figure out who and what God was doing in my life. Last night I realized that God had put people in my life, many people, but I was the one pushing people away. I wasn't taking God's help.

Sometimes it's hard to accept why people die, especially when they die from taking their own lives. But it's important to remember that because God gave us freewill people won't always accept the help you offer them, but that doesn't mean you should give up on them.

If my best friend had given up on me I doubt I would be here right now. I said that I had never attempted to kill myself, but I was a cutter. For the longest time my best friend didn't know about that situation. I thought I could handle the situation on my own and I didn't want to trouble her. When I finally did tell her she got so upset with me. I've only seen my best friend cry a few times since I've known her. This was one of those times. She blamed herself for my actions.She was mad that she hadn't been there for me. When I heard her blame herself for a choice I made I realized that I didn't want that. If I wasn't going to love myself for myself then I at least needed to do it for those who loved me.

My friend always comments on how I saved her life because I brought her to Christ. Well, she saved mine too. She showed me how to live and to accept the help of others.

So don't ever give up on someone you care about. And if it's too late, keep their memory alive, and don't let that stop you from trying to save someone else.

So for those friends/family who love me and have always been there for me (even when I didn't see it) THANK YOU!

For those who I've hurt and haven't offered my help to, I'M SORRY!

"When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive. Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future."-Mary Karen Read (journal entry from a VA Tech shooting victim)

This applies to everybody. Forgiveness of others and forgiveness of the self.
I understand that we really are never alone, because God is with us ALWAYS, but He also commanded us to love one another, that means to show others they are never alone because we are there too.