True Confessions

Only two days left of finals and I'll be finished as a college  sophomore! It's crazy how fast time flies. It feels like only yesterday I was at my high school graduation and I was so excited about getting away from home and I had my life all planned out. Ha...that was a joke!
Something I learned a while ago that for some reason I keep forgetting is that my plans don't ever work out. But God's plans are perfect.
It's so hard not to rely on your own plans though. Sometimes, when you're waiting for God to tell you what to do it's like, "Come on what's taking so long." You get frustrated and you wonder if God's actually talking to you. If He's actually hearing your worries and concerns. This has probably been my biggest struggle this year.
This year has been so different from my freshman year at MacMurray. I'm still trying to figure out if it's a good different. Last year I mostly struggled with homesickness because of the non-Christian environment and working on my self-love. One thing I never questioned though was God's plan. I felt connected and in control. It got even better when I found Bethel and could feel God telling me that this was where I was supposed to be.
But now, I'm here at Bethel and I don't feel that connection. I sort of feel like I've drawn away from God. I don't feel in control and I feel completely alone. Which I find very strange because I'm in a Christian environment. I'm in that environment that I so desperately craved last year at MacMurray. The professors and students are awesome. I like that professors always make time for prayer in the classroom. I like chapel. I like that my professors know my name. MacMurray had about 600 students and not all of my professors knew my name. That's kind of sad considering Bethel has around 2000 and my professors know my name. Last year my advisor didn't even know who I was! CRAZY!!! But my advisor last year was also very encouraging about my decision to be an interpreting and social work major. Here at Bethel they look at you like you're crazy if you want to do interpreting and psychology and don't really recommend it. Despite all this...it still feels like something is missing. I like it here at Bethel. There's just something...different I guess going on.

Since I don't want to leave this on a sad note I'm going to make a list (I love lists) of the things I have learned and enjoyed from this year.
1. I've learned the importance of family. And not just my mom, but EVERYBODY!
2. I've learned the many differences of Lutherans & everybody else. What our strengths are & what we lack. This kind of explains some of my feelings listed above.
3. I now appreciate the concept of a clean house/bedroom/whatever.
4. Last year at MacMurray really wasn't so bad, but I still would not go back there.
5. People care more than you think they do. There are times where you wonder if your efforts & thoughts are even considered.
6. I'm kind of ignorant.
7. Writing is so beneficial to one's health, but having to write a lot for school kind of diminishes that desire to write.
8. Baths are very beneficial to one's health too.
9. It really does help to have connections.
10. Growing up is hard! Figuring out what's really worth putting in effort is even harder.

But in the words of e.e. cummings-"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."

In case you can't read the picture it says there's always hope.

I had to add this for a little humor. :)