18 Lessons

It's always been a tradition of mine that every time my brother and sister-in-law find out that they're having a baby, I write a blog to that baby, telling them everything I wish for them to know. It's changed a little bit with each baby, but the main points have mostly stayed the same.
However, it is not my brother and sister-in-law this time who are having a baby. My sister and brother-in-law finally announced to everybody today that they were expecting. So without further ado...

1. This has, and continues to be my #1...YOU are oh so VERY LOVED!!! Even when you think that life's messing up and that you're alone always remember that me, your family, your friends, that God...Loves You!

2. "Inhale grace, Exhale gratitude."- Dr. Scott Johnson (Receive thankfully, and give graciously). I truly believe that we are saved by grace through faith in Christ Jesus, and not by good works, but I also believe that the least we can do for God, is try to be the best that we can be. This can be tied in to #6. :)

3. "We cannot change our past. But we CAN learn to see our past through GOD'S perspective." -Charles R. Swindoll. Remember that nobody is perfect and that God loves you despite your mistakes or your past.

4.You are a Unique Child of God and He loves you very much!   "Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of us."-Rabindranath Tagore

5. "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the HARDEST battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."- e.e. cummings. Don't ever change because of somebody else's standards. Change for yourself.

6. "Stop judging people because they sin differently than you." One of the greatest things about the human race is that we are all alike in our sin. We all sin and no sin is greater than another. No matter how a person is treating you, be kind. "Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see, the pain someone feels." Take a chance on them and get to know them. Show them Christ's love.

7. "Wherever you go, go with all your heart."-Confucius. If you have a passion for something don't ever give up on it. Do whatever it takes to bring that passion to life. And if it's meant to be, God will make it happen.

8. "Raise your words, not your voice. It's rain that grows flowers, not thunder."-rumi. Yes, there will be times in life where you get angry and all you want to do is scream, but all that situation does is give you a chance to open up your heart. It's a chance to share YOUR story, which is GOD'S story. DON'T ever be afraid to share that.

9. Don't push people away. "In the shelter of each other we will live....God has given us each other." - Jars of Clay We all like to be alone sometimes, but don't keep people away forever. It's true that if you are alone nobody else can hurt you, but you can end up hurting yourself.

10. "Jesus, help me to see that I AM someone worth dying for" You are a Unique Child of God and He Loves you very much. Your life matters. It's what has kept me here. We all have experienced doubts. Doubts about whether the people we care about really love us. Whether God really loves us. Whether things will actually get better. Doubts are the devil's way of pulling you away from God. So during those doubts draw closer to God.

11. Take pride in your accomplishments and celebrate every achievement...even the smallest ones.

12. "Know who you are. Accept who you are. Be who you are."-Dietrich Bonhoeffer You have got to do this for yourself before you can expect anybody else to do it.

13. "Being rich in money and things doesn't last. Being rich in the Lord and people last forever."-Grampy Troup

14. God never answers "No"

15. The GREATEST gift you can give a person is your time. So one day when you're all grown up and your mom is grumbling about how she never gets to spend anytime with you because you're always so busy, do her a favor (and yourself) and sit down next to her and tell about your day. Ask her how her day went. Some of the greatest moments you'll have in life are small ones like that.

16. Listen to and obey your parents. They love you and most of the time the advice they give you is pretty legit.

17. "One of the GREATEST adventures you can take is to your own imagination." Read books. Watch the history channel. Go to a museum. Be a part of a play. An opportunity to learn and exercise your imagination is never time spent wasted.

18. Be proud of where you've come from and embrace it.

There you go Baby Benesh. 18 lessons that I hope you learn (but it's okay if you don't learn them all in 18 years. :) I promise it's not a bad thing).

If my siblings keep this up I'm gonna be screwed if/ when I start having kids. But that just means they'll owe me big time. :)

Foxy Lady

Most of you know I'm a huge fan of traditions so a few years ago when my great aunt passed away I dedicated a blog to her, well, early this Easter Sunday morning my Grandma Fox (Booth) went to join her. So here goes nothing.
Some of my fondest memories from my childhood took place with my Grandma Fox. For most of my life she lived far away in Michigan while we were in Illinois. The only times we really got to see her was during the summer time, but what great summers they were! When you would get to Gramma's house the minute you stepped out of the car you were just overcome by this feeling of peace. Gramma lived on a farm so we were pretty much out in the middle of nowhere, but it was the perfect place to star gaze and catch fireflies. I loved how green everything was and how Gramma took such good care of her flowers and her garden. For the longest time Gramma would make sure that I took some of her flowers home with me (I'm not exactly sure how alive they were when we got home :) ).
I loved my Gramma's cookies (it was so sad when she got to be too old to make them). I loved that for most of our trips, when we arrived Gramma had pot roast for us. I loved going and picking strawberries and blueberries with her. I loved her apple trees and pear tree. Though they weren't very good for eating, they were good for throwing at people and holding up your tree house. :) I loved Gramma's love of family. I loved that she shared my passion of reading and always had good books on the shelf and goofy stories to tell.
I think what I loved best about Gramma was that for the longest time when I thought I could be a writer, she encouraged it. She always wanted to know what was going on with (& sometimes it may have come off as nosy :) ) but I've finally realized that it's because she cared so much and wished that she had been able to share that experience with you.
Gramma, I know there were times when we didn't always get along and that I wasn't always the nicest granddaughter, but I love you and I'm so glad I got to see you and hold your hand one last time!

School's Out Forever....Almost!

Oh my goodness, I was looking through my posts when I noticed I haven't blogged anything since July. For those who actually read & enjoy my blog I apologize. :) I've been in classes for a month now & you guys have no idea what's been going on. No wonder my mom's all up in my business. :)
Unfortunately, I do have to be careful with what I say. Gotta practice confidentiality. :) All you need to know is that the work is hard, the friendships are a godsend, & your bed is your best friend. :)
I can't believe I'm finally in my last year of college! I'm super excited but extremely terrified at the same time. :) Excited to be done with homework :) but terrified to pay off my student loans :) and be a real adult. :) It's weird to think about. I still don't view myself as being one...but no matter what happens I know I can do everything through Him who empowers me. :)
I can't believe how fast time has flown by. Seems like only yesterday I was calling my RD to complain about the drunk people banging on my door at 2 in the morning. :) But I've learned a lot in these last 5 years & not just academically but mentally & emotionally, about God & about myself. Really I'd say the only regret I have is not having more time. I should have taken more of the opportunities that came my way but you live & learn. :)

So speaking of finishing college, that means, I don't think it would quite match up if my blog remained "Confessions of a College Student". Any name suggestions out there? :)

"All Endings Are Also Beginnings, We Just Don't Know It At The Time."-Mitch Albom (The Five People You Meet In Heaven)

Well, today we said our final good-byes to Aunt Lidka. It's gonna be hard getting used to her not being here anymore. But as Grandma said we know she's painting up in Heaven with Uncle John and their daughter right beside her.

Most of you know how much I dearly love my nieces, which means you probably also know that Avery can get really crabby and has stranger anxiety (even if you're not a stranger :P) and Grace is just your typical mischievous 2 year old. However, today during the funeral Avery didn't make a sound. Like I said, if you know Avery, you know that almost never happens. Mom and I considered that to be our little miracle from Aunt Lidka because not only did she want people to be respectful and not disturb others but she knew we needed a break too. :)
And Grace...oh my. Everybody who's met Grace knows that she is very smart for a 2 year old and just plain adorable. I don't know what Mom and Aunt Tina were telling Grace about what was happening before, but as we were leaving to go to the cemetery after the service, I was holding Grace and she kept asking me where Aunt Lidka was going (or as she would say, "Aunt Yidka" :P ) Grace has only met Aunt Lidka a few times and poor Avery I don't know if she was even able to meet Aunt Lidka. Now I have no idea how to explain something like this to a 2 year old. I asked Mom about it when her dad died and what she told Tim. Tim just knew that Mom was sad and that she cried a lot. So...I ended up just telling Grace that Aunt Lidka was going to Heaven. Now, like every 2 year old she kept asking me this over and over again. Finally when we were back at the funeral home and she asked me I again told her that Aunt Lidka was going to Heaven. After I said that Grace looked at me and said that Aunt Lidka was going to Heaven to be with Jesus...she amazes me everyday and just like I'm thankful Aunt Lidka was in my life I am so glad that Grace and Avery are in my life too.

Speaking of which, for those of you who don't know (which most of you who will probably read this already do) I am going to be an aunt X 3. Now I'll admit that by the third one...it's not as exciting, especially for the one that's gonna have to babysit (I know that's mean and brutally honest, but at least I'm being honest. :) ), but when I came upon this quote that I used to open my blog with I started to think about the nature of life. Yes, people are always dying, but people are always being born too. Yes, Aunt Lidka is no longer with us, but soon we'll be welcoming this new little baby into the world. There are also many other good things about funerals and tragedies but I'm not going to go into that because this blog is already gonna be longer than I expected. Anywho, so if you can remember the blogs I wrote for Grace and Avery than you remember that I gave them a list of life lessons I want them to learn by the time they grow up and they're my age. So staying with tradition here are some life lessons for the new little one:

1. Always my #1 lesson,You are oh so VERY LOVED and don't ever forget that for even a moment.
2. You are a Unique Child of God and He loves you very much!   "Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of us."-Rabindranath Tagore
3. "Inhale grace. Exhale gratitude."-Dr. Scott Johnson (Receive thankfully and give graciously).
4. "We cannot change our past, but we can learn to see our past from God's perspective."-Charles R. Swindoll. always forgive...yourself and others.
5. "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."- e.e. cummings. Don't ever change because of somebody else's standards. Change for yourself. You will encounter temptations and life is going to be hard, I can promise you that, but it's worth it. :)
6. "Stop judging people because they sin differently than you." One of the greatest things about the human race is that we are all alike in our sin. We all sin and no sin is greater than another. No matter how a person is treating you, be kind. "Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see, the pain someone feels."
7.  "Wherever you go, go with all your heart."-Confucius. Don't be afraid to leave home if that means following your heart. Home will always be there for you when you need it.
8. "Raise your words, not your voice. It's rain that grows flowers, not thunder."-rumi. Yes, your parents will upset you. Yes, your sisters will hurt you but all that does is give you a chance to open up your heart. It's a chance to share your story, which is God's story. Don't ever be afraid to share that.
9. Don't push people away. "In the shelter of each other we will live....God has given us each other." We all like to be alone sometimes, but don't keep people away forever. It's true that if you are alone nobody else can hurt you, but you will end up hurting yourself.
10. "Jesus, help me to see that I am someone worth dying for" You are a Unique Child of God and He Loves you very much. Your life matters. It's what has kept me here. We all have experienced doubts. Doubts about whether the people we care about really love us. Whether God really loves us. Whether things will actually get better. Doubts are the devil's way of pulling you away from God. So during those doubts draw closer to God.
11. Take pride in your accomplishments and celebrate every achievement. And it doesn't matter if no one else is there to help you celebrate...celebrate anyway!
12. "Know who you are. Accept who you are. Be who you are."-Dietrich Bonhoeffer You have got to do this yourself before you can expect anybody else to do it. Aunt Izzy knows a lot about this one. Unfortunately, most of the time she's all talk. :)
13. "Being rich in money and things doesn't last. Being rich in the Lord and people last forever."-Grampy Troup
14. God never answers "No"
15. The greatest gift you can give a person is your time.
16. Listen to and obey your parents. They love you and most of the time the advice they give you is pretty legit.
17. One of the greatest adventures you can take is to your own imagination.
18. Be proud of where you've come from and embrace it.

You are gonna be one lucky kid! You're gonna make all the other babies jealous because of all the cool people you are gonna have in your life. :)

Today I've learned that no matter how old a person is, no matter how successful they are, no matter how much you prepare, it's still hard to say good-bye. Before I could say with such gratefulness, that I've never been through the heartache of losing someone special. Yes, I have experienced the hurt of watching loved ones hurt. Yes, I've experienced the numbness & confusion of such a loss where it's hard to figure out how it is you should feel. Yes, I've experienced the awful awkwardness of watching another grieve and not really knowing how you feel. However, I've never been the one that hurts. It hurts to think about them not sharing this life with you anymore. It hurts to see others hurt. And it hurts knowing that you're being selfish for wanting them to stay here. It hurts that their life was not able to be saved.
Aunt Lidka was definitely a special lady. I loved her accent & that when I was around her I had a piece of my heritage with me. I loved her sweetness. She was always so grateful for what other people would do for her (perhaps the most grateful person I have ever met). I loved her passion for art & how her paintings were like her children. I loved how trusting she was of others, talking to all the nurses & welcoming them into her life until the very end. I loved her cookies that she made every year to bring for Christmas (I'm determined to learn to make those cookies & hopefully have them taste as good as hers). :) I loved her hugs & how gentle she was. I loved that she only had one love in her life & I am so glad that she will finally get to see him again. I loved how nice her skin was & how thick her hair was for someone who was 89. I loved the fact that she was a great-great aunt. I loved how she & Grandma were not sister-in-laws but sisters. I loved that she had a nickname for Dad. I loved that she would always ask Mom how Grandma Fox was doing and was always so concerned about her. I loved that she worried about me finding a job after college and that she worried about me being single. I loved that she only wanted people to be happy. I loved that she thought my sister-in-law's brother was so good looking and hinted to me more than once that I should date him. :) I loved that she was ready to go but that she was also a fighter. I love that she is now in Heaven with her Father & her husband Uncle John & their baby. I love that the last good memory I'll have with her is celebrating her 89th birthday with the family.
I love you Aunt Lidka & you'll be missed very much!

 

WWJD

Something that has stuck with me since coming to the youth gathering is that we are so lucky to have a Savior that died and rose for our forgiveness and that we may have eternal life with Him. However, even though we are forgiven that doesn't mean we go on sinning and taking advantage of God's forgiveness. We owe Him to at least try to be faithful. We are always going to sin but we do have free will, self-control, and common sense. So...we know not to steal, murder, or have sex before marriage. When we experience that temptation use that self-control and common sense. I know for some of you this is a challenge but I'm a 22 year old virgin and I plan to be one til the day I'm married. Do I still face temptation and experience lustful thoughts? Heck yes! But I don't go and throw myself at a guy and say, "Take me now!" To me...sex before marriage is infidelity. I'm cheating on my future husband! Now premarital sex has become the social norm (sadly), but cheating is still looked down upon. So...are you gonna cheat on your future spouse? Or are you gonna base your entire decision on your hormones?

Marriage and sex is a beautiful thing created by God, but only when done appropriately. God was the bridegroom of the church. He took care of His bride. He was understanding, caring, and the perfect example of love.

*Insert creative title here* :)

Seeing as how it's been a while since I've blogged (and I'm sure you are all so devastated by it :) ) I thought now might be a good time to look back and reflect on the school year. I can't believe this year is almost over! Next year I'll be a senior and will be on practicum (fingers crossed ;) ). What am I gonna do after I graduate? I can't call my blog Confessions of a College Student. :)
This year has been pretty good compared to others. You're finally to that point where you really click with people (if you're socially slow like me :) ) and feel more like yourself. I finally figured out what all to do with the waste of credits I have and finally feel like I'm where I should be. Do I still worry everyday that I'm gonna flunk out of the interpreting program and have to try to find something else to do? Yes, but that's only because you have no idea how intense the program is. Bethel is like the Yale of interpreting. :) But I finally feel confident in my decision of being an interpreter.
So everything has worked out for me in that department, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I don't feel satisfied. I'm still not comfortable in my own skin and I know there are characteristics that I need to work on, and I want to work on them, but you have that bad, sinful part of you that says, "you can do that later." Before you know your head is spinning and you have no idea what you're going to do. I was really hoping  that would get better this year. Instead of people looking at me and either pitying me or thinking I'm mean (which really just means they're annoyed by you :) ) I want to be one of those people that just makes someone's day and be someone they'll remember for their kindness/good personality ;).
I know some of you (actually probably most of you) are thinking, "well, umm...you can do that. Just do it. You wanna change then go for it. Nobody else can do it for you. That's what tomorrows are for." All of these statements are true and are good advice, but for some people (and I'm not trying to make excuses :) ) it's more complicated then that. They can't just instantly drop who they are/have been and be who they want to be. It takes time, patience, faith, and searching. One of the hardest lessons you'll ever have to learn in life is how to accept who you are but at the same time improve who you are, and I have quickly learned that it's a lot easier said then done. I've also learned that it's important to remember that bad things happen and people are bad/stupid/whatever because there is sin in the world and I can't change that. On this earth there's no such thing as perfect.
Even though I've taken notice of these issues and maybe (hopefully :) ) sound like I know what I'm talking about, sometimes all I want to do is get my degree, get a job, move away from family and friends and start my life over again. When you're in college and are still financially dependent on your parents it's hard to lead your own life while still satisfying theirs. Sometimes I feel like I'm never really gonna know who I am until I graduate and move out.
So that's what I wish I could have done over again. But it's all in God's time.

I don't want this blog to seem too serious, the smiley faces are really me smiling/laughing because I'm trying to virtually lighten the mood. :)

What does this mean?

hy·poc·ri·sy  (h-pkr-s)

n. pl. hy·poc·ri·sies

1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.

2. An act or instance of such falseness.

two-faced (tfst)

adj.

1. Having two faces or surfaces.

2. Hypocritical or double-dealing; deceitful

Oy Vey, I've heard these 2 words so many times this week and lemme tell ya, I'm sick of it. Do you people even know what those words mean? Apparently not.

Let's look at hypocrisy and the first definition for a moment, "The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess." Well, I'm no expert but if you ask me it kinda sounds like all human beings, all Christians are guilty of this. Am I right or am I right?

That is what we call sin ladies and gents. Yup, no matter how pure I wanna be and even if I save myself for marriage I've still committed adultery over a dozen times (hello, have you seen Johnny Depp hotchacha!). And even if I have never intentionally set out to kill somebody, I've already committed murder too. Yeah, all those people that I find annoying, sorry I just murdered you.

I don't condone this behavior but yet I still commit it. I even know it's wrong when I do it. Does that make me a hypocrite? According to this definition it does.

Now let's look at two-faced. It pretty much means the same thing as hypocrisy but if you look at the first definition, that meaning could easily go many ways. When  I read it I see someone who acts one way with someone and then goes and acts completely different with another person. Again, all Christians are guilty of this. And not just because of sin but....because the brain and emotions and people are just complicated. Each person you meet is gonna bring something out in you that another does not. And each person has their own story. Their own struggles. Their own hurts. This makes it impossible for us to stay as we are 24/7 for 365 days.

Hypocrisy was something that I struggled with a lot when I was younger. Meaning that I would judge people unfairly and call them hypocrites. I've recently learned that I don't have any right to judge somebody and to give them that label because I'm guilty of it too, and it's not my job to judge.

So, please, next time somebody pisses you off and you really wanna accuse someone of being a hypocrite or two-faced, take a long hard look at yourself and remember...you're one too and calling them that isn't going to change anything.

Now Not Later

While I was trying to beautify my blog (BTW, let me know what you think of the new look) and I was going through old posts I decided that maybe it was time (AT LAST) to look back on 2012 and see what 2013 will bring.

My 2012 in a nutshell.

If you're friends with me on pinterest you are probably aware that I have a board called "My Life Complete." Everything that had been on my bucket list that had come true I moved over to that board. Here are a few I was able to move...

1.    Technically I finished up all of my ASL classes back in 2011-2012, but this year I also completed my first semester of interpreting classes.....and passed! When you're in the interpreting program here at Bethel everyday is a challenge (think America's Next Top Model, except the goal is to get more than one winner :P ). Bethel is like the Harvard of interpreting.
2.  This was the excursion I chose to do during our family cruise this summer. I think it's something everybody should try in their lifetime. Very interesting creatures.
3.  Yes, Yes, I know that I've been living in a dorm room since 2009/2010. But I'm still here.

4.  Yes, that's what I did for my 21st birthday. It was awesome and I still have no regrets. :)




5.  AGAIN! Whoot! Avery Olivia...proud aunt and godmother right here!
6. Yeah, part of the excursion was getting to ride them too...ski style.
7. First one ever and got to go with the whole family! Grandma's are the best....especially mine. :)
8. I'm sure there are countless others that I could name too. Like I sort of mentioned before...with Avery I'm her godmother, so that was a first. However, Avery, I'm not crafty enough to make you a car out of a pumpkin. :) But I could maybe make you a dress. :)
9. I FINALLY got to bring the mini van to school with me...which was nice and not so much. Yes, I know, cars take a lot of money. This also included driving myself home...really not that bad.
10. I interpreted in chapel for the first time....scariest thing ever....our first goal is always not to pass out, puke, or run off the stage...I made it....but it was hard.
11. I also drank legally for the first time. A drink every now and then is nice. :)

Hmmm...I can't really think of anything more...got any?

Now for 2013 here are my expectations: So many to choose from!!!

1. My friends I'm sure you know who I'm talking about here....and if you don't, too bad, I'm not telling you anyway. :P
2.  I know this is all in God's time. If I can't have this this year at least give me some patience then.
3.  Pretty self-explanatory.
4.  This one is too.
5.  I don't think I've had hair this long since....ever.
6. Only in my dreams. :)
7. And do it in a healthy way.
8. If I can teach myself how to French braid, I can teach myself how to waterfall braid.
9. This goes with #5.
10. Don't judge me!
11. If anybody else wants to do this they should let me know. :)
12. And this year the biggest one will be passing my classes and making it through all of chapel and not just the worship part. :)

Well, That's pretty much it. I could go on...but...I gotta have some secrets. :P The challenge is to live in the now and concentrate on what I'm doing now and not later. So don't ask me what I want to do after graduation. :)

In the Midst of Tragedy....

It's hard to understand the reasoning behind God's actions, especially in the midst of tragedy. When tragedy strikes there are always questions. "Why did this happen?" "Why this person?" "What caused this?" "What can I do?" "Where was God in all this?" "How will I cope?"

All these questions are natural. Sadly, however, so is tragedy. Sadness is a normal part of life.

"The word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were  not balanced by sadness."-Carl Gustav Jung

However, I'm a strong believer in that God has a lesson or perhaps a reminder, in mind for anything that happens. In celebration? Yes. And yes, even in tragedy. I think we are all pretty aware though that sometimes it's hard to know what those lessons are, especially when they come from tragedy. Sometimes that is out of our own stubbornness/ignorance and sometimes it can be unclear.

The tragedies I have witnessed I have been reminded of how awful and evil the world is, but how through all of it God is there never leaving or forsaking us. I have learned how important forgiveness is. I have learned how hard forgiveness can be, and I admire those who forgive people who least deserve it. I'm reminded of how important people are and why God didn't just stop after Adam and I've learned that anybody can be a hero. I've been reminded to remember those heroes and not to take them for granted. I've learned to love and be thankful especially for parents, siblings, friends, classmates, co-workers,aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, teachers, pastors, police, firefighters, paramedics, doctors, nurses, children, and students. They have inspired me to be a hero because anybody can be one. I've learned to laugh and hug more, but also that it's okay to cry and get angry too.

I've learned that a tragedy is really a wonderful opportunity to do God's work. It's an opportunity for someone to earn their badge (or wings or gold star...whatever you want to call it, as long as you get the metaphor) and to be honored for their bravery. It's an opportunity to give thanks and remember. It's a time to come together to rejoice and celebrate a person's final homecoming and to see their joy and excitement as they enter.

I'm also reminded that these lessons and reminders should go beyond tragedy. We shouldn't have to wait for tragedy to be a hero or to hug our children. Live everyday as if it were a tragedy because...

"A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it all will be filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy."-Jean Racine

The minute life stops being treated as a tragedy is the minute a new one begins. So continue your forgiving, remembering, celebrating, and thanking.

 

Avery Olivia

So this blog is kinda...way way late, but better late than never. Before Grace was born I blogged about the things I wanted to make sure she knew by the time she grew up. Seeing as how it's only fair and I want Avery to know these as well, I've made her a list too. Some will be the same as Grace's, others I've learned in the past 2 years that I feel are more important and should be added.

1. You are oh so VERY LOVED and don't ever forget that for even a moment.
2. "Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of us."-Rabindranath Tagore
3. "Inhale grace. Exhale gratitude."-Dr. Scott Johnson
4. "We cannot change our past, but we can learn to see our past from God's perspective."-Charles R. Swindoll. always forgive...yourself and others.
5. "Wherever you go, go with all your heart."-Confucius. Don't be afraid to leave home if that means following your heart.
6. "It is never too late to be what you might have been."-George Elliot. Don't give up on life. Yes, it's going to suck sometimes, but it takes more strength and courage to live than it does to die.
7. "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."- e.e. cummings. Don't ever change because of somebody else's standards. Change for yourself.
8. "Raise your words, not your voice. It's rain that grows flowers, not thunder."-rumi. There will be times where you're going to be angry as hell and you'll want to run your mouth off, but don't do it...take some time to think about it first.
9. Be patient. Be kind. "Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see, the pain someone feels." "Stop judging people because they sin differently than you."
10. Don't push people away. "In the shelter of each other we will live....God has given us each other."
11. "Jesus, help me to see that I am someone worth dying for" You are a Unique Child of God and He Loves you very much. Your life matters. It's what has kept me here.
12. Listen to and obey your parents. They love you and most of the time the advice they give you is pretty legit.
13. Take pride in your accomplishments and celebrate every achievement.
14. "Know who you are. Accept who you are. Be who you are."-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
15. Yes, it's true there will be times when your sister will not want to play with you and she'll be  angry and annoyed with you. Don't take it personally.
16. "Being rich in money and things doesn't last. Being rich in the Lord and people last forever."-Grampy Troup
17. God never answers "No"
18. The greatest gift you can give a person is your time.

I can't wait to see you learn and grow up into a beautiful, smart, faithful, loving young woman. You're going to do great things!

My niece/goddaughter Avery Olivia born Sept. 7, 2012

Everything is Meaningless

You know, I love that the Bible says this...Everything is Meaningless...of course, it's talking about a life without God is meaningless, I still like that it says that. :)
Who would have thought that the book of Ecclesiastes could be so entertaining. So the purpose of this whole book is to show that, yes, wisdom is important, but human wisdom has it's limits. God alone knows the purpose of life. Throughout the book the author sees people laboring and trying to get to the top. Pursuing mearningless hopes and dreams. However, our role in this world is to accept things according to God's purpose and to pretty much be patient and enjoy life as God gives it to us. Sounds like an easy job to me...not! Why? Because these days people are obsessed with time, money, success, and blahbady blah blah crap that in the end isn't gonna matter...
Only God can satisfy.

"Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return."-Ecclesiastes 3:19-20

Two more points: That verse kinda makes it sound like animals are gonna be in Heaven. Why does the Bible have to be so large. Everything is meaningless but we're supposed to work at it with all our heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. But if work is meaningless why do we need to work. The Bible is so confused. That's why people don't read it...just saying...

Hmmm...

You know how Catholics are known for being alcoholics? I think I know why now. In the Catholic (and some Lutheran churches) church after they finish with communion it is customary for the priest (pastor) to drink whatever wine is left over. (Sometimes that can be quite a bit of wine). I can understand that if you drink a lot of that and you do that at least once a week you could get quite a bit of wine in your system. However, they do this because they have already blessed the wine and it is now Christ's blood (shed for you for the forgiveness of sin. This do as often as you drink it in remembrance of me). Sorry couldn't help myself. But what I don't understand is, you know, they don't want to be wasteful and Christ's blood is important, but if you're gonna drink the wine (blood) wouldn't you want to eat the bread (body) too, it's just as important. Can't have the blood without the body.

This is my prayer for every year

Happy (belated) New Year. I hope everybody's 2011's were awesome and best wishes for your 2012.

2011 was a pretty good year I must say. A year of a lot of firsts and I definitely got to cross some things off my bucket list. Here are a few.

-first time driving by myself to St. Louis.
-first time as an aunt of a 1 year old.
-first internship (which was an awesome experience).
-first time watching Panic Room (a good movie, but not a good one to watch when it's dark outside).
-first time taking a summer (May) term class.
-first time going to the chiropractor (I think I'm addicted to going to the chiropractor. love them).
-first time having a car on campus and having to take care of it.

So that was my 2011 in a nutshell, now here's what I hope for 2012.
-witness my niece take her first steps, oh wait, CHECK! :)
-have my first drink (legally) :P
-maybe my first boyfriend. ;) (in God's time)
-lose my sophomore 15 and then some.
-be somewhat financially independent from my parents.
-go and party on a cruise (this summer baby!)
-be a party of a flash mob (pretty please!)
-to sum up a bunch in one simple resolution: Love myself, others, and God

So there you have it....now you all are responsible for making sure these are accomplished this year...jk!
Here's  song that I love and I think sums up what each New Year is about.

The Season of Giving

So after reading "In Style" magazine I was inspired by all the celebrities who chose a charity to support for the holiday. Specifically, inspired by Sarah Jessica Parker who is an avid supporter of the NYC Ballet, I decided this year to donate to Ballet Magnificat! Ballet Magnificat! was founded in 1986 with the desire to share the Good News through the art of dance. *Side note: In Latin Magnificat! means "to magnify Him." Ballet Magnificat! performs all over the world (And I so wish I could see them perform!) and seeks to show their audience Christ's love through dance. A great organization with a great message. 

My goal is to every year around this time (because it's so cliche to do that) is to pick an organization and donate a small portion of money to them. (I'd actually like to do it more than once a year, but I'm a college student with soooo much money). Something else I stumbled upon was that every summer Ballet Magnificat! has a Summer Dance Intensive and so every year they're looking for volunteers to be counselors for the dancers (A.K.A. Dorm Parents). I would really like to volunteer this summer. I think it would be a great opportunity, not only to maybe refine my own dancing skills, but also to grow in faith and help others grow in faith. Sure, I should be concentrating more on getting a job *cough Mom cough* but you know what, I figure God will provide. He provided me with a job a couple summers ago when it looked like I wasn't going to get one. I have to have faith that I will this summer too. And if I have an opportunity to volunteer for a good cause why should I not take it? God commands us to serve others and to love others as we love ourselves and that's what I want to do this summer. Now I just have to come up with roughly $400, money to get me there (Ballet Magnificat! is in Jackson, MS), 3 letters of recommendation, and convince my parents to let me go....good thing I have until May. :)

Find out more about Ballet Magnificat! at their website: www.balletmagnificat.com

I know it's a little late, but...I don't care

The first week back from Thanksgiving break. It was such a good break! And a much needed one!

 Our family does the tradition every year of going around the room and saying what we're thankful for after my dad says the prayer and I just wanted to share a few things that I'm thankful for (and what my family said too).

1. My family of course because they're awesome! More specifically Grace. She's been a huge blessing in my life and I never thought I could love somebody (especially a baby, because I'm not very good with babies) this much. And I'm thankful that she remembers me every time I come home from school. :)

2. My puppy Petey because dogs are wonderful and it's proven that people with pets live longer. :)

3. That I am saved through faith in Christ Jesus and can worship freely and that I was raised in a Christian home.

4. The gift of music and the ability to hear. Music soothes the soul and makes me feel good. :)

5. I'm thankful for the caring staff and professors at Bethel that are always there for me when I need them. And that I can actually afford to go to Bethel. :)

6. That I know ASL and can communicate with Deaf people.

7. My friends, both at home and at school. I'm a lot to deal with so anybody that can handle my personality is a trooper. :)

8. I have the ability to read and see the world around me (that God so beautifully created)

9. 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. chances. :)

10. Blogging, I like it a lot and is a great therapy. :)

11. That this semester is almost over. :)

12. Chiropractors! They're life-savers!

13. And my personal favorite that my dad says every year...indoor plumbing and toilet paper because I could never pee outside so hopefully I never get stuck in the woods. :)

Oh the joys of being a Lutheran

Oh jeez, you know you're a Lutheran when you wish somebody a Happy Reformation day or All Saints Day and they have no idea what you're talking about. So yesterday was Halloween and the chapel speaker, you know mentioned something about today being a pagan holiday or something along those lines blah blah blah...well, you know what, yesterday was also Reformation Day. By no means is that a pagan holiday.

Reformation day was when Martin Luther posted his Ninety-Fives Theses on the doors of the Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany on October 31, 1517. This triggered the Reformation movement. Martin Luther posted his Ninety-Five Theses in revolt to the Catholic church (no offense to Catholics, I respect you very much!) who believed in things like purgatory, the selling of indulgences, and that we are saved by good works. Luther only intended for his Theses to bring up discussion, but it turned into the Reformation and a lot more denominations than we had started with. Luther did not agree with the Catholic teaching. He believed that we are saved by faith in Christ Jesus and His grace alone (however, good works are how we serve our God and His  people, and can help build up our faith).
I feel like many people view Luther poorly (and I agree that what he said about Jews wasn't very nice) but I do think that we should thank and honor him for his work because first of all, he really did not think that highly of himself, he was always trying to figure out what God wanted from him and to honor him. He did not want to be known as a saint or to have Lutheranism named after him, because it was God's work and God's church. And second of all, if it wasn't for Luther, unless you're Catholic, your church or denomination or whatever you want to call it would not be here......end of story.

Now All Saints Day is a Catholic holiday, but some Protestant churches celebrate it, my church does. Basically, it's one day out of the year that we commemorate all the saints that have gone before us. Our church lists off everybody in our congregation who has passed away within the last year and rings the bell for each. It's kind of like the country's Veteran's Day or President's Day.

Ok, that's all.

Wow, I just realized I am definitely my father's child....a little sad.

Someone Worth Dying For

You might be the wife,
Waiting up at night
You might be the man,
Struggling to provide
Feeling like it's hopeless

Maybe you're the son,
Who chose a broken road
Maybe you're the girl,
Thinking you'll end up alone
Praying God can you hear me?
Oh God are you listening?

(Chorus)
Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I
Am someone worth dying for

I know you've heard the truth that God has set you free
But you think you're the one that grace could never reach
So you just keep asking, what everybody's asking

Chorus

You're worth it, you can't earn it
Yeah the Cross has proven
That you're sacred and blameless
Your life has purpose

You are more than flesh and bone
Can't you see you're something beautiful
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see
That you're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you
Are someone worth dying for

You're someone worth dying for
You're someone worth dying for
I love this song! I listen to it anytime I need to feel uplifted. I am someone worth dying for and someone did die for me. His name is Jesus and He's my Lord and Savior!

Down Memory Lane

So this past week has brought back so many memories from my freshman year of college. Unfortunately these are not good memories. With the situation I'm going through right now sometimes I feel like it's worse than freshman year, but then when I stop and think about it I realize how much better it actually is. Sure, the present situation has caused me a lot more trouble and grief, but I've had so much more support and the staff here has done so much for me to make it better (more than I can say about the staff freshman year). It's a constant reminder of God's presence and how my mom has been right all along (yes, I can't believe I just admitted that) and God has blessed me with wonderful people and I am being taken care of. It's such a relief to know that....

 Freshman year with the best gal ever!

Shekinah Glory! 

Sophomore year

Junior year service day!

Junior year

Me at apple picking, that's my favorite ring that I lost so if you see it...please give it back! Please and Thanks!

Here am I, I will go.

Monday's chapel this week was amazing. Some people weren't crazy about the speaker, but it was something I definitely needed to hear. It was the perfect message that God could have sent me. The speaker talked to us about callings...our calling in life. For many, we consider our calling to be our career. That is what I thought for the longest time. People get it into their heads that our career is what defines us. Our career is our social status, the money maker, the better the career the higher status and the more money we make. The truth...in God's economy, in God's kingdom, not one career is superior to the other. 

For some college is the time we take to figure out our calling and establish careers, but what we neglect to do is listen to God's calling. When we neglect His calling you know what it gets us? Burdens...sometimes even after years of schooling we don't know what we want to do and we feel belittled and pressured to "do something with our lives". It's even worse for those who are majors like art, music, liberal arts, even education or psychology in some cases because "what can you do with that?" or "You're gonna have to spend more money to go to school for that."
For those who are in school (particularly me) we are given the burden of making sure we study our guts out and spend all our time doing school work so that we can get good grades and extracurricular activities to establish names for ourselves so that we can have something after college.

And don't even get me started on the burdens of loans and money in college.

So what is my calling? For a long time I thought it was to be a student. To prepare myself as well as I can for a career. Yes, I am called to be a student and to minister through my career of choice, but most importantly I am called to be God's disciple...that doesn't mean studying my guts out and obsessing about a future career...it means listening to God's calling and serving Him and His people.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-And this is not from ourselves, it is a gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."-Ephesians 2:8-10

"Lord, here am I. I will go. Send me out to make you known."