Foxy Lady

Most of you know I'm a huge fan of traditions so a few years ago when my great aunt passed away I dedicated a blog to her, well, early this Easter Sunday morning my Grandma Fox (Booth) went to join her. So here goes nothing.
Some of my fondest memories from my childhood took place with my Grandma Fox. For most of my life she lived far away in Michigan while we were in Illinois. The only times we really got to see her was during the summer time, but what great summers they were! When you would get to Gramma's house the minute you stepped out of the car you were just overcome by this feeling of peace. Gramma lived on a farm so we were pretty much out in the middle of nowhere, but it was the perfect place to star gaze and catch fireflies. I loved how green everything was and how Gramma took such good care of her flowers and her garden. For the longest time Gramma would make sure that I took some of her flowers home with me (I'm not exactly sure how alive they were when we got home :) ).
I loved my Gramma's cookies (it was so sad when she got to be too old to make them). I loved that for most of our trips, when we arrived Gramma had pot roast for us. I loved going and picking strawberries and blueberries with her. I loved her apple trees and pear tree. Though they weren't very good for eating, they were good for throwing at people and holding up your tree house. :) I loved Gramma's love of family. I loved that she shared my passion of reading and always had good books on the shelf and goofy stories to tell.
I think what I loved best about Gramma was that for the longest time when I thought I could be a writer, she encouraged it. She always wanted to know what was going on with (& sometimes it may have come off as nosy :) ) but I've finally realized that it's because she cared so much and wished that she had been able to share that experience with you.
Gramma, I know there were times when we didn't always get along and that I wasn't always the nicest granddaughter, but I love you and I'm so glad I got to see you and hold your hand one last time!

Today I've learned that no matter how old a person is, no matter how successful they are, no matter how much you prepare, it's still hard to say good-bye. Before I could say with such gratefulness, that I've never been through the heartache of losing someone special. Yes, I have experienced the hurt of watching loved ones hurt. Yes, I've experienced the numbness & confusion of such a loss where it's hard to figure out how it is you should feel. Yes, I've experienced the awful awkwardness of watching another grieve and not really knowing how you feel. However, I've never been the one that hurts. It hurts to think about them not sharing this life with you anymore. It hurts to see others hurt. And it hurts knowing that you're being selfish for wanting them to stay here. It hurts that their life was not able to be saved.
Aunt Lidka was definitely a special lady. I loved her accent & that when I was around her I had a piece of my heritage with me. I loved her sweetness. She was always so grateful for what other people would do for her (perhaps the most grateful person I have ever met). I loved her passion for art & how her paintings were like her children. I loved how trusting she was of others, talking to all the nurses & welcoming them into her life until the very end. I loved her cookies that she made every year to bring for Christmas (I'm determined to learn to make those cookies & hopefully have them taste as good as hers). :) I loved her hugs & how gentle she was. I loved that she only had one love in her life & I am so glad that she will finally get to see him again. I loved how nice her skin was & how thick her hair was for someone who was 89. I loved the fact that she was a great-great aunt. I loved how she & Grandma were not sister-in-laws but sisters. I loved that she had a nickname for Dad. I loved that she would always ask Mom how Grandma Fox was doing and was always so concerned about her. I loved that she worried about me finding a job after college and that she worried about me being single. I loved that she only wanted people to be happy. I loved that she thought my sister-in-law's brother was so good looking and hinted to me more than once that I should date him. :) I loved that she was ready to go but that she was also a fighter. I love that she is now in Heaven with her Father & her husband Uncle John & their baby. I love that the last good memory I'll have with her is celebrating her 89th birthday with the family.
I love you Aunt Lidka & you'll be missed very much!

 

In the Midst of Tragedy....

It's hard to understand the reasoning behind God's actions, especially in the midst of tragedy. When tragedy strikes there are always questions. "Why did this happen?" "Why this person?" "What caused this?" "What can I do?" "Where was God in all this?" "How will I cope?"

All these questions are natural. Sadly, however, so is tragedy. Sadness is a normal part of life.

"The word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were  not balanced by sadness."-Carl Gustav Jung

However, I'm a strong believer in that God has a lesson or perhaps a reminder, in mind for anything that happens. In celebration? Yes. And yes, even in tragedy. I think we are all pretty aware though that sometimes it's hard to know what those lessons are, especially when they come from tragedy. Sometimes that is out of our own stubbornness/ignorance and sometimes it can be unclear.

The tragedies I have witnessed I have been reminded of how awful and evil the world is, but how through all of it God is there never leaving or forsaking us. I have learned how important forgiveness is. I have learned how hard forgiveness can be, and I admire those who forgive people who least deserve it. I'm reminded of how important people are and why God didn't just stop after Adam and I've learned that anybody can be a hero. I've been reminded to remember those heroes and not to take them for granted. I've learned to love and be thankful especially for parents, siblings, friends, classmates, co-workers,aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, teachers, pastors, police, firefighters, paramedics, doctors, nurses, children, and students. They have inspired me to be a hero because anybody can be one. I've learned to laugh and hug more, but also that it's okay to cry and get angry too.

I've learned that a tragedy is really a wonderful opportunity to do God's work. It's an opportunity for someone to earn their badge (or wings or gold star...whatever you want to call it, as long as you get the metaphor) and to be honored for their bravery. It's an opportunity to give thanks and remember. It's a time to come together to rejoice and celebrate a person's final homecoming and to see their joy and excitement as they enter.

I'm also reminded that these lessons and reminders should go beyond tragedy. We shouldn't have to wait for tragedy to be a hero or to hug our children. Live everyday as if it were a tragedy because...

"A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it all will be filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy."-Jean Racine

The minute life stops being treated as a tragedy is the minute a new one begins. So continue your forgiving, remembering, celebrating, and thanking.