Foxy Lady

Most of you know I'm a huge fan of traditions so a few years ago when my great aunt passed away I dedicated a blog to her, well, early this Easter Sunday morning my Grandma Fox (Booth) went to join her. So here goes nothing.
Some of my fondest memories from my childhood took place with my Grandma Fox. For most of my life she lived far away in Michigan while we were in Illinois. The only times we really got to see her was during the summer time, but what great summers they were! When you would get to Gramma's house the minute you stepped out of the car you were just overcome by this feeling of peace. Gramma lived on a farm so we were pretty much out in the middle of nowhere, but it was the perfect place to star gaze and catch fireflies. I loved how green everything was and how Gramma took such good care of her flowers and her garden. For the longest time Gramma would make sure that I took some of her flowers home with me (I'm not exactly sure how alive they were when we got home :) ).
I loved my Gramma's cookies (it was so sad when she got to be too old to make them). I loved that for most of our trips, when we arrived Gramma had pot roast for us. I loved going and picking strawberries and blueberries with her. I loved her apple trees and pear tree. Though they weren't very good for eating, they were good for throwing at people and holding up your tree house. :) I loved Gramma's love of family. I loved that she shared my passion of reading and always had good books on the shelf and goofy stories to tell.
I think what I loved best about Gramma was that for the longest time when I thought I could be a writer, she encouraged it. She always wanted to know what was going on with (& sometimes it may have come off as nosy :) ) but I've finally realized that it's because she cared so much and wished that she had been able to share that experience with you.
Gramma, I know there were times when we didn't always get along and that I wasn't always the nicest granddaughter, but I love you and I'm so glad I got to see you and hold your hand one last time!

"All Endings Are Also Beginnings, We Just Don't Know It At The Time."-Mitch Albom (The Five People You Meet In Heaven)

Well, today we said our final good-byes to Aunt Lidka. It's gonna be hard getting used to her not being here anymore. But as Grandma said we know she's painting up in Heaven with Uncle John and their daughter right beside her.

Most of you know how much I dearly love my nieces, which means you probably also know that Avery can get really crabby and has stranger anxiety (even if you're not a stranger :P) and Grace is just your typical mischievous 2 year old. However, today during the funeral Avery didn't make a sound. Like I said, if you know Avery, you know that almost never happens. Mom and I considered that to be our little miracle from Aunt Lidka because not only did she want people to be respectful and not disturb others but she knew we needed a break too. :)
And Grace...oh my. Everybody who's met Grace knows that she is very smart for a 2 year old and just plain adorable. I don't know what Mom and Aunt Tina were telling Grace about what was happening before, but as we were leaving to go to the cemetery after the service, I was holding Grace and she kept asking me where Aunt Lidka was going (or as she would say, "Aunt Yidka" :P ) Grace has only met Aunt Lidka a few times and poor Avery I don't know if she was even able to meet Aunt Lidka. Now I have no idea how to explain something like this to a 2 year old. I asked Mom about it when her dad died and what she told Tim. Tim just knew that Mom was sad and that she cried a lot. So...I ended up just telling Grace that Aunt Lidka was going to Heaven. Now, like every 2 year old she kept asking me this over and over again. Finally when we were back at the funeral home and she asked me I again told her that Aunt Lidka was going to Heaven. After I said that Grace looked at me and said that Aunt Lidka was going to Heaven to be with Jesus...she amazes me everyday and just like I'm thankful Aunt Lidka was in my life I am so glad that Grace and Avery are in my life too.

Speaking of which, for those of you who don't know (which most of you who will probably read this already do) I am going to be an aunt X 3. Now I'll admit that by the third one...it's not as exciting, especially for the one that's gonna have to babysit (I know that's mean and brutally honest, but at least I'm being honest. :) ), but when I came upon this quote that I used to open my blog with I started to think about the nature of life. Yes, people are always dying, but people are always being born too. Yes, Aunt Lidka is no longer with us, but soon we'll be welcoming this new little baby into the world. There are also many other good things about funerals and tragedies but I'm not going to go into that because this blog is already gonna be longer than I expected. Anywho, so if you can remember the blogs I wrote for Grace and Avery than you remember that I gave them a list of life lessons I want them to learn by the time they grow up and they're my age. So staying with tradition here are some life lessons for the new little one:

1. Always my #1 lesson,You are oh so VERY LOVED and don't ever forget that for even a moment.
2. You are a Unique Child of God and He loves you very much!   "Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of us."-Rabindranath Tagore
3. "Inhale grace. Exhale gratitude."-Dr. Scott Johnson (Receive thankfully and give graciously).
4. "We cannot change our past, but we can learn to see our past from God's perspective."-Charles R. Swindoll. always forgive...yourself and others.
5. "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."- e.e. cummings. Don't ever change because of somebody else's standards. Change for yourself. You will encounter temptations and life is going to be hard, I can promise you that, but it's worth it. :)
6. "Stop judging people because they sin differently than you." One of the greatest things about the human race is that we are all alike in our sin. We all sin and no sin is greater than another. No matter how a person is treating you, be kind. "Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see, the pain someone feels."
7.  "Wherever you go, go with all your heart."-Confucius. Don't be afraid to leave home if that means following your heart. Home will always be there for you when you need it.
8. "Raise your words, not your voice. It's rain that grows flowers, not thunder."-rumi. Yes, your parents will upset you. Yes, your sisters will hurt you but all that does is give you a chance to open up your heart. It's a chance to share your story, which is God's story. Don't ever be afraid to share that.
9. Don't push people away. "In the shelter of each other we will live....God has given us each other." We all like to be alone sometimes, but don't keep people away forever. It's true that if you are alone nobody else can hurt you, but you will end up hurting yourself.
10. "Jesus, help me to see that I am someone worth dying for" You are a Unique Child of God and He Loves you very much. Your life matters. It's what has kept me here. We all have experienced doubts. Doubts about whether the people we care about really love us. Whether God really loves us. Whether things will actually get better. Doubts are the devil's way of pulling you away from God. So during those doubts draw closer to God.
11. Take pride in your accomplishments and celebrate every achievement. And it doesn't matter if no one else is there to help you celebrate...celebrate anyway!
12. "Know who you are. Accept who you are. Be who you are."-Dietrich Bonhoeffer You have got to do this yourself before you can expect anybody else to do it. Aunt Izzy knows a lot about this one. Unfortunately, most of the time she's all talk. :)
13. "Being rich in money and things doesn't last. Being rich in the Lord and people last forever."-Grampy Troup
14. God never answers "No"
15. The greatest gift you can give a person is your time.
16. Listen to and obey your parents. They love you and most of the time the advice they give you is pretty legit.
17. One of the greatest adventures you can take is to your own imagination.
18. Be proud of where you've come from and embrace it.

You are gonna be one lucky kid! You're gonna make all the other babies jealous because of all the cool people you are gonna have in your life. :)

Today I've learned that no matter how old a person is, no matter how successful they are, no matter how much you prepare, it's still hard to say good-bye. Before I could say with such gratefulness, that I've never been through the heartache of losing someone special. Yes, I have experienced the hurt of watching loved ones hurt. Yes, I've experienced the numbness & confusion of such a loss where it's hard to figure out how it is you should feel. Yes, I've experienced the awful awkwardness of watching another grieve and not really knowing how you feel. However, I've never been the one that hurts. It hurts to think about them not sharing this life with you anymore. It hurts to see others hurt. And it hurts knowing that you're being selfish for wanting them to stay here. It hurts that their life was not able to be saved.
Aunt Lidka was definitely a special lady. I loved her accent & that when I was around her I had a piece of my heritage with me. I loved her sweetness. She was always so grateful for what other people would do for her (perhaps the most grateful person I have ever met). I loved her passion for art & how her paintings were like her children. I loved how trusting she was of others, talking to all the nurses & welcoming them into her life until the very end. I loved her cookies that she made every year to bring for Christmas (I'm determined to learn to make those cookies & hopefully have them taste as good as hers). :) I loved her hugs & how gentle she was. I loved that she only had one love in her life & I am so glad that she will finally get to see him again. I loved how nice her skin was & how thick her hair was for someone who was 89. I loved the fact that she was a great-great aunt. I loved how she & Grandma were not sister-in-laws but sisters. I loved that she had a nickname for Dad. I loved that she would always ask Mom how Grandma Fox was doing and was always so concerned about her. I loved that she worried about me finding a job after college and that she worried about me being single. I loved that she only wanted people to be happy. I loved that she thought my sister-in-law's brother was so good looking and hinted to me more than once that I should date him. :) I loved that she was ready to go but that she was also a fighter. I love that she is now in Heaven with her Father & her husband Uncle John & their baby. I love that the last good memory I'll have with her is celebrating her 89th birthday with the family.
I love you Aunt Lidka & you'll be missed very much!

 

In the Midst of Tragedy....

It's hard to understand the reasoning behind God's actions, especially in the midst of tragedy. When tragedy strikes there are always questions. "Why did this happen?" "Why this person?" "What caused this?" "What can I do?" "Where was God in all this?" "How will I cope?"

All these questions are natural. Sadly, however, so is tragedy. Sadness is a normal part of life.

"The word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were  not balanced by sadness."-Carl Gustav Jung

However, I'm a strong believer in that God has a lesson or perhaps a reminder, in mind for anything that happens. In celebration? Yes. And yes, even in tragedy. I think we are all pretty aware though that sometimes it's hard to know what those lessons are, especially when they come from tragedy. Sometimes that is out of our own stubbornness/ignorance and sometimes it can be unclear.

The tragedies I have witnessed I have been reminded of how awful and evil the world is, but how through all of it God is there never leaving or forsaking us. I have learned how important forgiveness is. I have learned how hard forgiveness can be, and I admire those who forgive people who least deserve it. I'm reminded of how important people are and why God didn't just stop after Adam and I've learned that anybody can be a hero. I've been reminded to remember those heroes and not to take them for granted. I've learned to love and be thankful especially for parents, siblings, friends, classmates, co-workers,aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, teachers, pastors, police, firefighters, paramedics, doctors, nurses, children, and students. They have inspired me to be a hero because anybody can be one. I've learned to laugh and hug more, but also that it's okay to cry and get angry too.

I've learned that a tragedy is really a wonderful opportunity to do God's work. It's an opportunity for someone to earn their badge (or wings or gold star...whatever you want to call it, as long as you get the metaphor) and to be honored for their bravery. It's an opportunity to give thanks and remember. It's a time to come together to rejoice and celebrate a person's final homecoming and to see their joy and excitement as they enter.

I'm also reminded that these lessons and reminders should go beyond tragedy. We shouldn't have to wait for tragedy to be a hero or to hug our children. Live everyday as if it were a tragedy because...

"A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it all will be filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy."-Jean Racine

The minute life stops being treated as a tragedy is the minute a new one begins. So continue your forgiving, remembering, celebrating, and thanking.

 

Eugene...

Dear Eugene,
I just wanted you to know that Dad has prostate cancer. He should be fine. Thank God! I also wanted you to know again that even though you were probably one of the worst fathers I know, I still forgive you and I wish that you would have been lucky enough to see how well your children grew up, to meet your grandchildren, and to meet your great granddaughter. She's pretty awesome! And not only is Dad a better father than you were now he's making sure that Gracie gets the grandfather that we never had.
I also want to let you know that I agree and understand my friend's reasoning behind reincarnation. I believe that those who have died are reincarnated before they're taken up to Heaven on Judgement Day. I don't know of any place in the Bible saying what happens to us while we wait for Christ to return. I do know that the Bible says that Jesus defeated death and the devil, but is that really true when many people still don't come to know Christ? They still die and the devil wins that person. That's why I believe that God gives those who die not knowing a second chance before Judgement Day so that they can come to know Him. I hope this mostly for your sake.
Despite your awfulness I really wish I had known you.
Love Always,
Elizabeth