*Insert creative title here* :)

Seeing as how it's been a while since I've blogged (and I'm sure you are all so devastated by it :) ) I thought now might be a good time to look back and reflect on the school year. I can't believe this year is almost over! Next year I'll be a senior and will be on practicum (fingers crossed ;) ). What am I gonna do after I graduate? I can't call my blog Confessions of a College Student. :)
This year has been pretty good compared to others. You're finally to that point where you really click with people (if you're socially slow like me :) ) and feel more like yourself. I finally figured out what all to do with the waste of credits I have and finally feel like I'm where I should be. Do I still worry everyday that I'm gonna flunk out of the interpreting program and have to try to find something else to do? Yes, but that's only because you have no idea how intense the program is. Bethel is like the Yale of interpreting. :) But I finally feel confident in my decision of being an interpreter.
So everything has worked out for me in that department, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I don't feel satisfied. I'm still not comfortable in my own skin and I know there are characteristics that I need to work on, and I want to work on them, but you have that bad, sinful part of you that says, "you can do that later." Before you know your head is spinning and you have no idea what you're going to do. I was really hoping  that would get better this year. Instead of people looking at me and either pitying me or thinking I'm mean (which really just means they're annoyed by you :) ) I want to be one of those people that just makes someone's day and be someone they'll remember for their kindness/good personality ;).
I know some of you (actually probably most of you) are thinking, "well, umm...you can do that. Just do it. You wanna change then go for it. Nobody else can do it for you. That's what tomorrows are for." All of these statements are true and are good advice, but for some people (and I'm not trying to make excuses :) ) it's more complicated then that. They can't just instantly drop who they are/have been and be who they want to be. It takes time, patience, faith, and searching. One of the hardest lessons you'll ever have to learn in life is how to accept who you are but at the same time improve who you are, and I have quickly learned that it's a lot easier said then done. I've also learned that it's important to remember that bad things happen and people are bad/stupid/whatever because there is sin in the world and I can't change that. On this earth there's no such thing as perfect.
Even though I've taken notice of these issues and maybe (hopefully :) ) sound like I know what I'm talking about, sometimes all I want to do is get my degree, get a job, move away from family and friends and start my life over again. When you're in college and are still financially dependent on your parents it's hard to lead your own life while still satisfying theirs. Sometimes I feel like I'm never really gonna know who I am until I graduate and move out.
So that's what I wish I could have done over again. But it's all in God's time.

I don't want this blog to seem too serious, the smiley faces are really me smiling/laughing because I'm trying to virtually lighten the mood. :)

Just A Thought

"Sometimes it's better to be alone. Nobody can hurt you."-Meg (Hercules)

An interesting theory/philosophy and I'd say one that I agree with, but, honestly, I avoid people because I don't want to hurt them. If you avoid people you don't have to worry about accidentally offending somebody or yelling at them because of something stupid they did and then in the end feeling hurt and stupid yourself. So when you are alone, really, nobody can hurt you.
 When nobody knows who you are it's impossible to hurt them. Though, sometimes you ultimately end up hurting yourself. You put those hateful thoughts into your own head and you bring yourself down. All those mistakes you've made and the person you are, nobody knows what that's like. So why bother trying to explain it to them? Besides, after you've revealed those secrets to them they might end up leaving you anyway. Unfortunately, in our society today people are quicker to be angry than to forgive (I'm definitely guilty of this too) when it should really be the other way around. But, being slow to anger and quick to forgive is something we must do for ourselves, not just for others....
It's hard to know sometimes who you can trust and who to put your faith in. It's hard to know if you should be honest with a person when they ask, "How are you doing?" Do they really care or are they just trying to be polite? That's why God created the "fine" emotion. When you say, "I'm fine," usually what it really means is, "My life sucks right now! But I know there are other people who have it worse than me so I don't want to complain or have you pity me. Things could always be worse."

What does this mean?

hy·poc·ri·sy  (h-pkr-s)

n. pl. hy·poc·ri·sies

1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.

2. An act or instance of such falseness.

two-faced (tfst)

adj.

1. Having two faces or surfaces.

2. Hypocritical or double-dealing; deceitful

Oy Vey, I've heard these 2 words so many times this week and lemme tell ya, I'm sick of it. Do you people even know what those words mean? Apparently not.

Let's look at hypocrisy and the first definition for a moment, "The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess." Well, I'm no expert but if you ask me it kinda sounds like all human beings, all Christians are guilty of this. Am I right or am I right?

That is what we call sin ladies and gents. Yup, no matter how pure I wanna be and even if I save myself for marriage I've still committed adultery over a dozen times (hello, have you seen Johnny Depp hotchacha!). And even if I have never intentionally set out to kill somebody, I've already committed murder too. Yeah, all those people that I find annoying, sorry I just murdered you.

I don't condone this behavior but yet I still commit it. I even know it's wrong when I do it. Does that make me a hypocrite? According to this definition it does.

Now let's look at two-faced. It pretty much means the same thing as hypocrisy but if you look at the first definition, that meaning could easily go many ways. When  I read it I see someone who acts one way with someone and then goes and acts completely different with another person. Again, all Christians are guilty of this. And not just because of sin but....because the brain and emotions and people are just complicated. Each person you meet is gonna bring something out in you that another does not. And each person has their own story. Their own struggles. Their own hurts. This makes it impossible for us to stay as we are 24/7 for 365 days.

Hypocrisy was something that I struggled with a lot when I was younger. Meaning that I would judge people unfairly and call them hypocrites. I've recently learned that I don't have any right to judge somebody and to give them that label because I'm guilty of it too, and it's not my job to judge.

So, please, next time somebody pisses you off and you really wanna accuse someone of being a hypocrite or two-faced, take a long hard look at yourself and remember...you're one too and calling them that isn't going to change anything.

Now Not Later

While I was trying to beautify my blog (BTW, let me know what you think of the new look) and I was going through old posts I decided that maybe it was time (AT LAST) to look back on 2012 and see what 2013 will bring.

My 2012 in a nutshell.

If you're friends with me on pinterest you are probably aware that I have a board called "My Life Complete." Everything that had been on my bucket list that had come true I moved over to that board. Here are a few I was able to move...

1.    Technically I finished up all of my ASL classes back in 2011-2012, but this year I also completed my first semester of interpreting classes.....and passed! When you're in the interpreting program here at Bethel everyday is a challenge (think America's Next Top Model, except the goal is to get more than one winner :P ). Bethel is like the Harvard of interpreting.
2.  This was the excursion I chose to do during our family cruise this summer. I think it's something everybody should try in their lifetime. Very interesting creatures.
3.  Yes, Yes, I know that I've been living in a dorm room since 2009/2010. But I'm still here.

4.  Yes, that's what I did for my 21st birthday. It was awesome and I still have no regrets. :)




5.  AGAIN! Whoot! Avery Olivia...proud aunt and godmother right here!
6. Yeah, part of the excursion was getting to ride them too...ski style.
7. First one ever and got to go with the whole family! Grandma's are the best....especially mine. :)
8. I'm sure there are countless others that I could name too. Like I sort of mentioned before...with Avery I'm her godmother, so that was a first. However, Avery, I'm not crafty enough to make you a car out of a pumpkin. :) But I could maybe make you a dress. :)
9. I FINALLY got to bring the mini van to school with me...which was nice and not so much. Yes, I know, cars take a lot of money. This also included driving myself home...really not that bad.
10. I interpreted in chapel for the first time....scariest thing ever....our first goal is always not to pass out, puke, or run off the stage...I made it....but it was hard.
11. I also drank legally for the first time. A drink every now and then is nice. :)

Hmmm...I can't really think of anything more...got any?

Now for 2013 here are my expectations: So many to choose from!!!

1. My friends I'm sure you know who I'm talking about here....and if you don't, too bad, I'm not telling you anyway. :P
2.  I know this is all in God's time. If I can't have this this year at least give me some patience then.
3.  Pretty self-explanatory.
4.  This one is too.
5.  I don't think I've had hair this long since....ever.
6. Only in my dreams. :)
7. And do it in a healthy way.
8. If I can teach myself how to French braid, I can teach myself how to waterfall braid.
9. This goes with #5.
10. Don't judge me!
11. If anybody else wants to do this they should let me know. :)
12. And this year the biggest one will be passing my classes and making it through all of chapel and not just the worship part. :)

Well, That's pretty much it. I could go on...but...I gotta have some secrets. :P The challenge is to live in the now and concentrate on what I'm doing now and not later. So don't ask me what I want to do after graduation. :)

In the Midst of Tragedy....

It's hard to understand the reasoning behind God's actions, especially in the midst of tragedy. When tragedy strikes there are always questions. "Why did this happen?" "Why this person?" "What caused this?" "What can I do?" "Where was God in all this?" "How will I cope?"

All these questions are natural. Sadly, however, so is tragedy. Sadness is a normal part of life.

"The word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were  not balanced by sadness."-Carl Gustav Jung

However, I'm a strong believer in that God has a lesson or perhaps a reminder, in mind for anything that happens. In celebration? Yes. And yes, even in tragedy. I think we are all pretty aware though that sometimes it's hard to know what those lessons are, especially when they come from tragedy. Sometimes that is out of our own stubbornness/ignorance and sometimes it can be unclear.

The tragedies I have witnessed I have been reminded of how awful and evil the world is, but how through all of it God is there never leaving or forsaking us. I have learned how important forgiveness is. I have learned how hard forgiveness can be, and I admire those who forgive people who least deserve it. I'm reminded of how important people are and why God didn't just stop after Adam and I've learned that anybody can be a hero. I've been reminded to remember those heroes and not to take them for granted. I've learned to love and be thankful especially for parents, siblings, friends, classmates, co-workers,aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, teachers, pastors, police, firefighters, paramedics, doctors, nurses, children, and students. They have inspired me to be a hero because anybody can be one. I've learned to laugh and hug more, but also that it's okay to cry and get angry too.

I've learned that a tragedy is really a wonderful opportunity to do God's work. It's an opportunity for someone to earn their badge (or wings or gold star...whatever you want to call it, as long as you get the metaphor) and to be honored for their bravery. It's an opportunity to give thanks and remember. It's a time to come together to rejoice and celebrate a person's final homecoming and to see their joy and excitement as they enter.

I'm also reminded that these lessons and reminders should go beyond tragedy. We shouldn't have to wait for tragedy to be a hero or to hug our children. Live everyday as if it were a tragedy because...

"A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it all will be filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy."-Jean Racine

The minute life stops being treated as a tragedy is the minute a new one begins. So continue your forgiving, remembering, celebrating, and thanking.

 

Oh Brudder!

So this weekend I was going through some of my older posts and I realized that I have written about why I love each member of my family....except my brother. Since that didn't seem very fair or nice of me here are some reasons why I love my brother.

1. I appreciate that when I would have anxiety attacks and when I was being a hypochondriac he was always very nice and understanding and would check my heart rate and bp for me.
2. He is the epitome of hard work. Career and academics.
3. Yes, you were mean when you picked on me and broke my leg, but I still appreciate that you were meaner to Christina than you were to me. :)
4. Though I've never experienced this you always say you're willing to beat up bad boyfriends.
5. You picked me up from the train station and helped me unpack for May term.
6. Even though you had to work on my high school graduation you did try your hardest to be there by making your partner come to graduation with you.
7. You actually missed a lot of important moments in my life like my confirmation but you always showed your love in a card and gave me however much money you could afford to give me.
8. You help make beautiful children. :)
9. You let me be a part of your wedding (aka the most important moment of your life). :)
10. You are a wonderful provider and role model for your family.
11. You were willing to drive me to dance class and go with me to the Fox Theatre to see SYTYCD when no one else could and you didn't even live at Mom and Dad's anymore.
12. You take responsibility for your mistakes. Very admirable. :)
13. You always wanted a career that was exciting and helped people and you never gave up on that. You would take anything you could get.
14. You always tried to help me work things out for myself and not depending on you to do it.
15. Growing up and looking up to you I learned what I should do and what I should NOT do.
16. Besides the heart rate and bp you would try and fix other minor problems I had.
17. You're good to Mom and Dad. You'll take very good care of them when they're old. :)
18. When teachers knew that you were my older brother it could get me bonus point. :P
19. You work well with what you have.
20. Despite me being annoying to you, you love me anyway.

I don't have any pictures of Tim and I together so I'll use him and Grace because the picture's adorable anyway.

Avery Olivia

So this blog is kinda...way way late, but better late than never. Before Grace was born I blogged about the things I wanted to make sure she knew by the time she grew up. Seeing as how it's only fair and I want Avery to know these as well, I've made her a list too. Some will be the same as Grace's, others I've learned in the past 2 years that I feel are more important and should be added.

1. You are oh so VERY LOVED and don't ever forget that for even a moment.
2. "Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of us."-Rabindranath Tagore
3. "Inhale grace. Exhale gratitude."-Dr. Scott Johnson
4. "We cannot change our past, but we can learn to see our past from God's perspective."-Charles R. Swindoll. always forgive...yourself and others.
5. "Wherever you go, go with all your heart."-Confucius. Don't be afraid to leave home if that means following your heart.
6. "It is never too late to be what you might have been."-George Elliot. Don't give up on life. Yes, it's going to suck sometimes, but it takes more strength and courage to live than it does to die.
7. "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."- e.e. cummings. Don't ever change because of somebody else's standards. Change for yourself.
8. "Raise your words, not your voice. It's rain that grows flowers, not thunder."-rumi. There will be times where you're going to be angry as hell and you'll want to run your mouth off, but don't do it...take some time to think about it first.
9. Be patient. Be kind. "Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see, the pain someone feels." "Stop judging people because they sin differently than you."
10. Don't push people away. "In the shelter of each other we will live....God has given us each other."
11. "Jesus, help me to see that I am someone worth dying for" You are a Unique Child of God and He Loves you very much. Your life matters. It's what has kept me here.
12. Listen to and obey your parents. They love you and most of the time the advice they give you is pretty legit.
13. Take pride in your accomplishments and celebrate every achievement.
14. "Know who you are. Accept who you are. Be who you are."-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
15. Yes, it's true there will be times when your sister will not want to play with you and she'll be  angry and annoyed with you. Don't take it personally.
16. "Being rich in money and things doesn't last. Being rich in the Lord and people last forever."-Grampy Troup
17. God never answers "No"
18. The greatest gift you can give a person is your time.

I can't wait to see you learn and grow up into a beautiful, smart, faithful, loving young woman. You're going to do great things!

My niece/goddaughter Avery Olivia born Sept. 7, 2012