Here am I, I will go.

Monday's chapel this week was amazing. Some people weren't crazy about the speaker, but it was something I definitely needed to hear. It was the perfect message that God could have sent me. The speaker talked to us about callings...our calling in life. For many, we consider our calling to be our career. That is what I thought for the longest time. People get it into their heads that our career is what defines us. Our career is our social status, the money maker, the better the career the higher status and the more money we make. The truth...in God's economy, in God's kingdom, not one career is superior to the other. 

For some college is the time we take to figure out our calling and establish careers, but what we neglect to do is listen to God's calling. When we neglect His calling you know what it gets us? Burdens...sometimes even after years of schooling we don't know what we want to do and we feel belittled and pressured to "do something with our lives". It's even worse for those who are majors like art, music, liberal arts, even education or psychology in some cases because "what can you do with that?" or "You're gonna have to spend more money to go to school for that."
For those who are in school (particularly me) we are given the burden of making sure we study our guts out and spend all our time doing school work so that we can get good grades and extracurricular activities to establish names for ourselves so that we can have something after college.

And don't even get me started on the burdens of loans and money in college.

So what is my calling? For a long time I thought it was to be a student. To prepare myself as well as I can for a career. Yes, I am called to be a student and to minister through my career of choice, but most importantly I am called to be God's disciple...that doesn't mean studying my guts out and obsessing about a future career...it means listening to God's calling and serving Him and His people.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-And this is not from ourselves, it is a gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."-Ephesians 2:8-10

"Lord, here am I. I will go. Send me out to make you known."

It Whispers...So Listen

As I promised in one of my previous blogs today I'm going to talk about Ovarian Cancer.... :) I'll try and make this as comfortable as possible. :)


Definition:
Ovarian Cancer is a disease where cancerous cells are found in the ovaries, the reproductive organs that produce eggs in females (so guys...you don't have these so you don't have to worry about getting it. :) ) Cancer developes when cells in our body start to grow out of control. Normally, the cells in our body divide to form new ones so that they can replace the old and dying ones. When cancer cells appear they don't die. They outline our normal healthy cells and continue to grow and those abnormal cells create tumors and tumors can hurt by putting pressure on our organs....So cancer is just not fun. :( It's really not fun when those cells spread through metastasis to other parts of our body.


Stats:
Ovarian Cancer is the fifth most common type of cancer among women ages 35-74 and causes more deaths than any other type of reproductive cancer. An estimation of 1 out of every 58 women will develop ovarian cancer in her lifetime. In 2009 the American Cancer Society estimated 21,550 new cases of ovarian cancer. 14, 600 were expected to die from it (I don't know if this statistic is true. If you want to know you research it :) ). If Ovarian Cancer is caught in the early stages a 5-year survival rate is over 90%. Unfortunately, since symptoms in the early stages are hard to detect only 19% of cases are found. When Ovarian Cancer is caught in stage III or higher the survival rate is as low as 30.6%


Symptoms:
So one of the things that sucks about Ovarian Cancer-the symptoms...you probably experience them on a regular basis...and the ovaries are so small so they're hard to find...they're only about the size of a walnut and farther down in your abdomain than you would think...
Symptoms include:

• Bloating
• Pelvic/Abdominal pain
• Trouble eating or feeling full quickly
• Feeling like you need to pee all the time
• Fatigue
• Upset stomach/Heartburn
• Back pain
• Constipation/Menstrual changes

So...what should you do if you experience these symptoms? Well, if they persist for more than 2 weeks even after other interventions are used (diet change, laxatives, rest, exercise, etc.) see your doctor!


There are over 30 different types of Ovarian cancer. 3 common cell types are:

• Surface Epithelium - cells covering the lining of the ovaries
• Germ Cells - cells that are destined to form eggs
• Stromal Cells - Cells that release hormones and connect the different structures of the ovaries

Stages:
There are IV stages to Ovarian Cancer.
Stage I-Cancer is present in and around the ovaries only.
Stage II-Cancer in one or both ovaries and has spread to the other reproductive organs (uterus, fallopian tubes) or other pelvic organs.
Stage III-Cancer is in one or both ovaries and has spread to lymph nodes and/or abdomen
Stage IV-This is the most advanced stage and it includes cancer in the ovaries and has spread to organs located outside of the peritoneal cavity (separates organs in the abdominal cavity from the abdominal wall) or in the pleural fluid (from the cavity which surrounds the lungs).


What Can You Do?

• If you're a woman-Know your body, know your risks, get your annual pelvic exam and other stuff we don't like.
• Guys...And girls-spread awareness and support Ovarian Cancer Research! :) There's a lot of great organizations out there.
• Use goodsearch instead of google. Goodsearch let's you put in a charity of your choice and will give money to that charity.
• Wear teal.

Do Not:
Freak out and call your doctor thinking you have Ovarian Cancer! Women over 35 are at a much greater risk along with other risks involved like family history. Also another good thing about birthcontrol...progesterone decreases your risk! :) Just use it wisely. :)

All info was from the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition (one of the great organizations that you can goodsearch). :)
I apologize if the info is incorrect or misleading

Your love your love is my drug...

I just want to start off by saying how much I love my big sissy and our crazy craziness & the awesome talks we have about life.

Anywho...today I wanted to talk about how my mom mentioned that blogging for me was like therapy, which it pretty much is and I love it! I can use it whenever I want and it doesn't cost me anything. :) but seeing a therapist is totally cool! :) I've been to 3 different ones and I loved them ( and not just because of the drugs they gave me :) ) but because it totally helped to have somebody to talk to and share those dreaded secrets you can't share with anybody else. Plus when they point out all your flaws (which nobody likes) you realize how right they are and they give you the right tools and teach you to better yourself and eventually you won't need them anymore...usually. If you work at it. A lot of my therapists had me do some kind of journaling which I found really helpful but it was just exhausting trying to find the time to do it. That's why I love blogging. I can do it whenever I need to. And I'll probably still need to see a therapist every once in a while but, you know, anxiety and depression and other things that don't seem like such a big deal really are. Which is why you should never be afraid to ask for help. That's something I still struggle with but getting better at. :)

Also, if you're thinking about a career in counseling, I recommend that you go at least once and get a feel for it, and learn a few tricks you can use with your patients someday. :)

*I just realized how much I use the word "totally" :p

Blah...

Everything that has gone wrong this week:

• This past week was Spiritual Emphasis Week, I do not feel spiritually emphasized.
• I was 30 minutes late to my doctor's appointment because my GPS didn't save the address and I'm horrible with directions and I don't like being late. :(
• Got behind on homework.
• Recently, signed up to do 5 Star and instead of being excited about it I spent the entire night freaking out about it and feeling completely overwhelmed with everything I have to do.
• Accompanied with that is wondering what purpose God has for me and what He has called me to do and HATING that I don't know.
• Now being sick and all the yuck that accompanies that-no sleep, discomfort, getting behind on homework, having my first tests on Tuesday and feeling ill prepared, plus all my other homework and projects due this next week.
•  Missing my family-especially Grace. :(
• Finding out that Grace can crawl. Thanks for telling me Mom. I hate being out of the loop.

But, I keep trying to remind myself to have faith like a child. I got to skype with Grace today which did make me miss her, but I was reminded of how little care she has. ;) She currently has an ear infection, sinus infection, and yeast infection, but you wouldn't know by the way she acts. She was a little fussy, but no more than usual, but she just kept banging on that keyboard and talking to me. I seriously cannot help but smile when I see her because of how cute and carefree she is. I desperately wish I could go back to being like a child, not just because I would be so dependent on other people or the attention or having no responsibilities :), but because I want to experience that carefree life again. When you grow up you get so caught up in life that you lose that attitude. Being sick just becomes another weakness and a distraction from the things that need to get down because if things don't get done it's the end of the world!

Please God help me to see the purpose you have for my life. Give me patience. Help me to get better in YOUR time. Keep me focused and motivated. Help me to have faith like a child. Thank you so much for placing Grace in my life. Before she was born I used to think about all the things I would be teaching her. I never imagined all the things she would be teaching me. Father I love you and I give you praise!

"So I say to you...

So, a long time ago, or maybe not that long ago, a wise pastor once did a sermon on the answers God gives you. He claimed that God has 3 answers to prayer. Those include:

• Yes
• Wait
• Not your way, My way

You'll notice that "no" does not make that list. Today in chapel the speaker talked about how many times when we are faced with difficult situations and when we ask for God's help He may answer no. This causes us, even those of us who are Christians, to lose that peace that we have knowing Jesus as Lord.

I don't know why bad things happen and I certainly do not claim to know everything (ha, I'm only in college. That's why I'm in college so I can learn everything. :) ) But one thing I do know is that God never says "no" to our prayers. He may not give us the answers we desire, but that doesn't mean he has not answered them.

I prayed that I would get in to Bethel College and have the time of my life. God answered me with "Yes, but it's not gonna be easy. You're gonna have to work hard."

I desperately needed a job a few summers ago. His answer, "Wait". Because I waited for His timing and not my own I got to babysit 3 amazing kids who touched my heart.

A lady at our church was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer (an awful cancer that I'll hopefully post about later because September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness month). Not only were her husband, children, and grandchildren praying for her, the whole church prayed that she would get well again. Sadly, she died a few months ago. To some it may seem that God did not answer our prayer or that He answered it with a "no", but He didn't. His reply was "Not your way, My way." You see, she may not be here on this earth with us, but our prayer for her to be healed was answered. God gave her something much better than simply healing her physically. She got to go home! She got to go and be with her Maker! She's in Heaven with the Father pain free and cancer free! So our prayer for her to be healed was answered, she even got more than what we had prayed for. It just was not in the way we had in mind.

I encourage everybody to think about this concept of God never saying "no" to us. Sometimes it may seem a little ridiculous and you may completely disagree with me and that's fine, but believing God's answer to be "not your way, My way" is way more optimistic than the answer of "no" and I'm not usually an optimistic person. But this is one thing that I can be optimistic about.

Comments appreciated! :) I'll try not to be too sensitive. :)

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."-Luke 11:9-10 -That doesn't sound like a "no" to me. :) 

National To Save A Life Week

So in honor of National To Save A Life Week and Suicide Awareness I thought I'd share a personal story.

I've never attempted suicide. I've thought about it, I think we all have at one point in our lives. You begin to wonder how people would react if you were gone. You start to think that all this crap you're going through isn't worth it that things would just be easier if you ended it.

Last night at my Bible study someone there mentioned how God had taken everybody away from them. Two of their friends had committed suicide. They wondered why God would allow somebody to do something like that and why God had given us freewill. I'm never really sure what to say when someone asks me about something like that. The only thing I could think to say was that maybe God did try to do or say something to stop their friends from committing suicide, but they were not accepting His help. After I said that I literally started to cry. Tears streaming down my face and my lip quivering (I don't think my lip has ever quivered that much before). The reason behind my tears was that I've been in that same situation. There have been many times in my life where I have seeked God out for help hoping He would answer, but I never thought I was getting an answer. But I was...those answers usually involved other people. I truly believe that God puts people in our lives because He knows how hard it is for us to sometimes feel His presence, that sometimes we need someone to physically wrap their arms around you in a hug. 

The night before I left to come to Bethel sophomore year my mom came to my room bawling her eyes out (no surprise) and told me (pretty clearly for having cried so much. She's really good at crying and talking clearly) that she wasn't worried about me going so far away from home (Bethel's 7 hours away) because she knew God was going to put people in my life to watch out for me. My freshman year it was very evident that He had but almost all of last year I struggled with trying to figure out who and what God was doing in my life. Last night I realized that God had put people in my life, many people, but I was the one pushing people away. I wasn't taking God's help.

Sometimes it's hard to accept why people die, especially when they die from taking their own lives. But it's important to remember that because God gave us freewill people won't always accept the help you offer them, but that doesn't mean you should give up on them.

If my best friend had given up on me I doubt I would be here right now. I said that I had never attempted to kill myself, but I was a cutter. For the longest time my best friend didn't know about that situation. I thought I could handle the situation on my own and I didn't want to trouble her. When I finally did tell her she got so upset with me. I've only seen my best friend cry a few times since I've known her. This was one of those times. She blamed herself for my actions.She was mad that she hadn't been there for me. When I heard her blame herself for a choice I made I realized that I didn't want that. If I wasn't going to love myself for myself then I at least needed to do it for those who loved me.

My friend always comments on how I saved her life because I brought her to Christ. Well, she saved mine too. She showed me how to live and to accept the help of others.

So don't ever give up on someone you care about. And if it's too late, keep their memory alive, and don't let that stop you from trying to save someone else.

So for those friends/family who love me and have always been there for me (even when I didn't see it) THANK YOU!

For those who I've hurt and haven't offered my help to, I'M SORRY!

"When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive. Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future."-Mary Karen Read (journal entry from a VA Tech shooting victim)

This applies to everybody. Forgiveness of others and forgiveness of the self.
I understand that we really are never alone, because God is with us ALWAYS, but He also commanded us to love one another, that means to show others they are never alone because we are there too.